Diet Starts Tomorrow

The Bach Party

2012-02-02T10:30:00.000-06:00

A few weeks ago I traveled to fabulous Las Vegas with 13 friends and family members to celebrate my Bachelorette Party.

Although I only remember 50% of the trip, thank you Patron, I will never forget how much fun I had during my "last hoorah as a single gal."

If there was ever a time to share inappropriate pictures of myself and feel no shame, I think this is it. I also blame the leopard dress I was wearing as why I was such a lunatic. Animal prints = crazy person.

Enjoy.

Penis crown.

Patron!

Me and the future hubs.

Diet Starts Today

2012-02-01T10:23:00.000-06:00

Warning: When your diet is no longer starting tomorrow, you may begin to feel like a hypocrite for writing a "anti-dieting blog", and that may result in a three month hiatus from writing.

Not that I've all of the sudden started dieting or anything, but I no longer feel like I am 100% starting tomorrow. If that makes any sense.

So although I am still eating pizza on the weekends, I've been sticking to a pretty solid week day eating schedule. The biggest change has been that I rarely go out to lunch and I've ditched my 3 p.m. cookie break for an apple.

In other news, I'm addicted to Skinny Pop popcorn. Like obsessed. Two bags a day. Can't stop, won't stop.

I also have a new favorite person to follow on Twitter, Jason Segel. Basically because he's Jewish and all he does is post pictures of the food that he eats. I'm pretty sure we would be best friends.

And finally, I will leave you with this nugget:

The Shower

2011-11-21T12:19:00.001-06:00

A week ago I had my very first bridal shower.

I'm my #1 fan

Not only did I get boat loads of presents, but I also got to see friends and family who live near and far.

My favorite pic of the day

The wedding is now less than four months away (117 days to be exact) and I can't get over how fast time is going by. I'm doing my best to enjoy the anticipation of the wedding and to not get caught up in any stress or worrying. This works about 70% of the time, but at least I'm trying.

I'm assuming the three-month countdown is when things start to feel real. Or maybe it always feels like your planning for something that will never actually happen. I wonder if this is how Oprah felt when she knew she was retiring?

So there will be no WGOTW since I received WAY too many gifts at the shower that I love, I cannot pick just one. But I just want everyone to know that I received two cupcake carriers, a cupcake display stand, red velvet cupcake mix, a cake display platter, and a cupcake cook book. Bet you can't guess what I won't be baking until after the wedding for fear of looking like a cupcake when I walk down the aisle...

WGOTW

2011-11-11T07:55:00.001-06:00

This week's WGOTW (Wedding Gift of the Week) is one that I was concerned no one would buy me, but now I can now breathe a huge sigh of relief because my request has been fulfilled.

The best place I registered at was, without a doubt, Bloomingdale's. There's just something about the "home" section of Bloomies that makes me want to turn into a 1950's housewife and learn how to bake an apple pie.

Like a lot of things I registered for, I don't seem to understand why I now "cannot live without these candlesticks" even though pre-wedding registry I never had a necessity for candlesticks. I guess it just proves how easy it is for the line between wants and needs to get so easily blurred. (Especially when walking through Bloomies and you keep getting distracted by the shiny, sparkly Baccarat crystal or the China gravy dish that you suddenly can't live without and vow to yourself that with this dish you will make gravy once a week.)

So after much anticipation, I received my Enchanted Forest Candlesticks.

And this weekend I have my first bridal shower so you can expect many more WGOTW posts to follow. I'm sure you are all just as excited as I am.

WGOTW

2011-11-03T12:14:00.004-05:00

This weeks WGOTW (wedding gift of the week) features my brand new Keurig machine!

I am so excited about this.

I'm not exactly sure why I'm so excited, considering I never make coffee at home, but I think now I'm going to start. My first order of business is going to Dunkin Donuts to purchase their vanilla flavored coffee K-Cups. Second order of business is finding out how many calories are in a K-Cup. Anyone? Bueller?

Honey, You Baked

2011-10-27T13:38:00.000-05:00

I've never been much of a baker, with the exception of chocolate chip cookies that just require you to add an egg and water, but I've since changed my 'tude towards my relationship with my oven.

I've decided in the midst of registering for all sorts of crap* (including countless baking supplies) I better get my ass in gear and learn how to bake. I have high hopes that one day I will be the mom baking for my phantom child's bake sale, or at the very least, I'd like to know how to make something that requires more than just one egg and 3/4 cup of water.

After a day spent apple picking, I found myself with a few dozen apples and the need to experiment in the kitchen. I settled on baking an apple crisp. Why? Because it seemed like the one recipe with the least amount of ingredients. (This is amateur hour people, I wasn't going to bake a dutch apple pie fresh out of the gate.)

Below are the directions on how to make an apple crisp, but I will give you the highlights here.

The best thing about this dessert is the crisp. I literally wasted about 14 apples because I ended up just eating the buttery, sugary crisp. Which was, in a word, delish.

Here is the final product:

I am very proud to announce that I not only successfully baked something from scratch, but that it also didn't suck.

Good thing the wedding is still four months away - I'm pretty sure butter and sugar are some of the things you're supposed to cut back on when you're "shredding for the wedding".

Ingredients:

3/4 cup all-purpose flour
1/4 cup packed light-brown sugar
1/2 teaspoon salt
1/2 cup plus 2 tablespoons sugar
1 stick unsalted butter, cold, cut into small cubes
1 cup old-fashioned rolled oats
3 pounds apples, peeled, cored, and cut into 1/2-inch chunks
2 tablespoons lemon juice
1/2 teaspoon cinnamon

Directions:

Preheat oven to 375 degrees. In a large bowl mix flour, brown sugar, salt, and 2 tablespoons sugar. Cut butter into flour, using a blender or two knives, until mixture is coarse. Add oats, and use your hands to toss mixture until large, moist clumps form. Transfer to freezer to chill.
In another large bowl, toss apples with lemon juice, cinnamon, and remaining 1/2 cup sugar. Transfer to a shallow 2-quart baking dish, and sprinkle with topping mixture. Place baking dish on a rimmed baking sheet, and bake until golden and bubbling, 55 to 65 minutes. Let cool 10 minutes before serving.

*By crap I mean essential items that will allow me to be an amazing housewife, er, I mean wife.

The Irony

2011-10-04T15:27:00.000-05:00

A few months ago I quit working out with my trainer.

Guess what?

Since then I've lost 8 lbs.

Moral of the story? I'm not sure.

But I do know I prefer to spend my money on buying myself new clothes, rather than paying someone to help me get in shape.

Truth is, I believe the wedding nerves are getting the best of me. Or maybe I should call it, "the fat of me".

But I can't say I hate losing weight without trying.

(I know, I'm a bitch.)

WGOTW

2011-09-15T10:48:00.000-05:00

I'm officially starting a new segment entitled: "Wedding Gift of the Week" aka WGOTW.

Since this is the first post of what I hope will be MANY MANY posts (hint hint), I thought I should do two items instead of one.

As many of you know, I'm Jewish, which means as I become a married woman I need to start filling my home with lots of Judaica. So it's only appropriate that I was given not one, but two Kiddush cups as engagement presents. Not only are these the most beautiful cups I've ever seen, but they are by one of my favorite artists, Michael Aram.

I've put many of his pieces on my registry, but some of my favorites include the Enchanted Forest Candleholders and Wisteria Face. Never have I ever been so excited about candlesticks and vases in my entire life. It's weird. I'm not sure what it is about his stuff that I love so much, but I just do. Can't stop. Won't stop.

I hope you've enjoyed reading about my wedding gifts, just as much as I've enjoyed receiving them :)

Only 191 Days to Go! (but who's counting?)

2011-09-08T10:28:00.000-05:00

It's been awhile since I've written here. I feel like I'm dusting off an old book that I've been meaning to read for the past year, but just haven't gotten around to it because reality TV has just been way too entertaining lately.

Here's my dilemma.

Sometimes I just don't want to write about food.

Right now I just want to talk about weddings.

Planning a wedding goes way beyond a dress, a venue, and whether or not to serve beef or chicken.

Weddings can make you or they can break you. They bring out the best in some people, and the worst in others. If you're the bride, I don't think you actually know what type of bride you will be until you are knee deep in contracts, surrounded by different invitation fonts, and choosing between peonies and ranunculus flowers.

Although I enjoy signing all of my emails with "Bridezilla", I seriously hope no one ever has to call me that behind my back.

If there's anything I'm learning from this process it is that your wedding day, while special and magical and blah blah blah, should not be the best day of your life. It should be a really wonderful day filled with family, friends, and lots of love. It should not be the "day of all days" which can never be topped.

Why put yourself under that much pressure?

I'm no expert, but I'm extremely realistic. And while I would love to spend the next 191 days obsessing about floral arrangements and place cards, I think I'd rather just enjoy my life.

Not to say I won't have a few mental breakdowns along the way, but let's just hope that when this wedding is over my family and friends still like me.

Driving Me Hungry

2011-08-22T08:35:00.000-05:00

Lately I find myself eating whenever I'm driving.

Not being a truck driver and all, it always amazes me how often I end up eating snacks and meals while behind the wheel.

Just the other day, while snacking and cruising down the highway, I started to think about all the weird foods I have consumed while behind the wheel. I came up with a short list of the most awkward/random foods I've ever eaten while driving, and knew it was only appropriate that I share this list here.

Carrots and hummus. Anytime you have to dip n' drive, it's usually not a good idea. I had a passenger in the car with me doing the dipping, otherwise there would have been hummus in my hair.
Bananas. Really? Do I need to say more? Bananas are a pretty awkward food to eat, driving or not, the driving just ads a twist to it. And where do you put the peel when you're done? There's nothing worse than sticky banana peel all over your leather seats. So many decisions.
Tuna salad. The other day I was eating tuna salad out of a plastic container with a spoon. Not to worry, I was alone. I would never force someone else to be in the car with me as I hot boxed it full of tuna fish.
Ice cream cones. So much licking to be done, especially on a hot day. I recommend not wearing nice clothes because it's going to end up on your shirt. (Please note, things end up on my shirt whether or not I eat them in the car, so I should just add a disclaimer here.)

Conclusions: unless you can suck it with a straw or it comes in a McDonald's bag, eating in the car can pose quite a challenge.

What's the weirdest thing you've ever eaten while driving?

Eating My Way Through 25

2011-08-03T14:05:00.000-05:00

So I celebrated my birthday doing my all-time favorite thing: eating.

It kicked off with a trip to Mercadito - one of the best Mexican restaurants in Chicago. The food did not disappoint. The fact that I had to scream across the table and nearly went deaf due to the noise in that establishment was, in fact, very disappointing.

This was followed by a trip to Gilt Bar, the newest wannabe speakeasy in Chicago. Gilt Bar had incredible ambiance, I could hear the people next to me, but they do not serve food in their downstairs bar. This meant I had to drink my dessert until I got home and remembered that I had a stash of cookies in my cupboard and, alas, enjoyed some real dessert.

The following day I went to dinner at Paris Club. I've been to the rooftop, also the trendiest place in Chicago at the moment (and I don't say this in a good way), but this was the first time I ate there. Holy. Shit. Balls. The food is outstanding, the bouncers are douche bags, and the rooftop has a retractable ceiling. What more could you ask for while in Paris?

Following dinner I went to the House of Blues Foundation Room. Fortunately, they do serve desserts and was able to indulge in a cookie platter with vanilla vodka infused milk. I requested extra cookies.

Finally, I went to Great America where I took down a soft pretzel, chicken fingers, french fries, a chocolate milkshake, cheese pizza, and an extra large lemonade.

I have never felt so sick in my entire life as I did on Sunday evening.

Lesson learned: there is such a thing as too much birthday. I will make sure to take it easier on my 26th.

Reasons Why I'm Awesome

2011-07-28T14:17:00.000-05:00

Tomorrow I turn 25. (7/29)

Today I enjoy my last day as a 24 year-old. Whatever that means.

For once (I mean this) my birthday has minimal significance. Because when you have a wedding on the horizon, birthdays become much less important.

However, I still need to celebrate my awesomeness, my awesome year, and my even more awesome year to come. And what better way to do that than through pictures?


Last year I spent my birthday celebrating two of my favorite people getting hitched.

I "Snook'd" for love on Halloween.

Another best friend got married.

I made it all the way down to Virgin Gorda in December...
well, some of us made it.

Got engaged. NBD.

Went to another important wedding - My Brothers!

I'm looking forward to this time next year when I can share with you my own wedding pictures (clearly weddings are now a major theme in my life.)

Cheers to 25!

30-Day Update

2011-07-20T09:52:00.002-05:00

Hello again, it's been awhile.

Almost an entire month to be exact.

Here's the 30 day update:

Became addicted to smoothies
Went to Wisconsin
Weighed myself for the second time in 2 years
Lost 2 lbs
Probably gained back 3 lbs (just guessing, haven't weighed myself since I lost the pounds for ignorance is bliss)
Decided to go back to school to get my master's in nutrition and become a registered dietitian

Yes, Diet Starts Tomorrow will one day (five years to be exact) actually have some street cred and be able to back up all this food babble with some actual credentials.

Although I haven't officially been accepted into the program, I can't imagine it will be very hard as long as I actually study. (A concept I didn't learn until half-way through college. Oopsie poopsie.)

Thanks to my 18 year-old self who decided Astronomy classes would be easier than taking Chemistry classes, I have about two years worth of prerequisites that I need to complete before applying for the masters program. (Please note my 21 year-old self took a sailing class in college and managed to only go to school on Tuesdays and Thursdays. To say that I had the most amazing schedule on the planet would probably be an understatement. Did I mention I lived in California? On the beach?)

I'm turning 25 in a week (July 29th to be exact), so it only seems appropriate to go back to school, change careers, get a new last name (in March 2012), and start my diet tomorrow.

Happy Birthday to Me.

Less Thinking, More Doing

2011-06-30T09:21:00.001-05:00

I've been a real bitch lately.

The worst part is, I know that I'm being a bitch, and yet I can't stop myself.

It's like word vomit or PMS on steroids, only in this case I can't blame it on my period.

If you asked my fiance he would agree that I'm being a huge pain in the ass.

So in order to break myself out of my funk, I have to find joy in the little things.

Like going to the grocery store.

Which we did the other night. And while shopping, I wanted to discuss the difference between pita chips and pretzels.

You know, the pros and cons.

For example, pita chips are definitely more addictive and yummier, but pretzels are a very dependable snack that always taste good, especially the honey wheat kind, and they remind me of being a kid.

I was having this deep debate in my head, and was hoping that David would be a willing participant, but he wanted nothing to do with my over analyzing of pita chips vs. pretzels.

Which made me realize that I, like every normal girl, enjoy over analyzing every single detail about every single thing. From the food I put in my mouth, to the shoes I wear on my feet.

And David, like any normal boy, hates talking about and over analyzing, anything and everything.

And then I thought about all the time I waste thinking rather than doing. And I think the bitch inside me went away.

Because what's the point in being an asshole and feeling sorry for yourself if you're not going to do anything about it?

So whether it's changing your life to be healthier or changing your life to be happier, it's all in the doing, not in the thinking.

But honestly, I still can't decide between pita chips and pretzels.

White Girl Problems

2011-06-14T14:32:00.002-05:00

For anyone who's ever shopped at the Mother Ship, this is the best video ever.

Case of the Mondays

2011-06-13T13:54:00.001-05:00

There's nothing worse than finding out one of your favorite foods, that you thought wasn't that bad for you, is actually awful for you.

Today I learned that my favorite Dunkin Donuts coffee is closer to 200 calories than to the 50 calories I assumed it was. Not that 50 calories is great, but I know I can burn that off a lot faster than 200.

And to learn this news on a Monday... tragic.

It's summer and I have a wedding in 6 weeks, the last thing I need to do is consume a 500 calorie breakfast on a daily basis.

Which I've been doing.

Jokes on me.

And my thighs.

R.I.P. large Dunkin Donuts French vanilla coffee with cream and Splenda, you will be missed.

Bridezilla Finds a Dresszilla

2011-06-09T13:19:00.002-05:00

I've finally started shopping for my wedding dress. (Insert girly squeal here).

I can't believe it's even possible that I am picking out "the dress". I had a few people ask me how young I am, and I assured them that by the date of the wedding I will be 25 years old. (For some reason I'm convinced there's a huge difference between being a 24 year old bride and a 25 year old bride.)

Like most things in life, I expected dress shopping to be like it is in the movies. All of the sudden I put on "the dress" and everyone bursts into tears and I realize all of my childhood dreams have come to fruition.

Maybe that does happen to some people... but not this girl.

There was no gown I tried on that made me gasp and burst into tears of joy. It was more of a, "can you take the top from that dress, that skirt from that dress, add that train, get ride of that pattern, etc."

I guess I'm more opinionated than I imagined I would be.

Does anyone ever have that "aha moment" (shameless Oprah plug) when trying on wedding gowns? Is there such a thing as love at first sight when it comes to finding the dress?

On the plus side, I will say that my body was made for a wedding dress. It covers up all the things I want to cover up and shows off all of the things I want to show off.

There's nothing more comforting than trying on a gown and knowing you could not lose a single pound and still look good. Makes a girl rethink her wedding diet, no?

If That's All You Will Be...

2011-06-07T14:37:00.000-05:00

I have a favorite quote that I'd like to share with all of you. I used to believe it only applied to ex-boyfriends, but recently I've found that it can apply to more than just douche bags.

"If that's all you will be, you'll be a waste of time."

I used to apply this to old boyfriends because it reinforced the idea that they weren't good enough and, therefore, were a huge waste of time.

Lately, I've thought about this more for myself. Everyday we have choices. We can choose to go out and do something great, we can choose to call in sick, we can choose to be happy, and we can choose to be sad.

I don't really think you can live everyday like it's your last (because honestly, who would go to work), but I do believe you can live each day with a purpose, and it's never too late to make new goals for yourself or try something new.

When people set out to be healthier, it's often a difficult goal to reach because the end result isn't a tangible reward, unless you count skinny jeans. In a race, you know how many miles to run. In a semester, you know how many class hours you will need to take. When it comes to changing the way you eat and exercise, there's no finish line. Because even if you set a goal of "I will lose X amount of weight," once you achieve that goal, you still have to maintain it.

So what's the point?

The point is to decide what you want for yourself and not to be afraid to go after it. Don't get discouraged when one day you're choosing celery sticks and the next day it's french fries. Don't give up.

Be something better and do something greater. Otherwise, you're just a waste of time.

Welcome Back, Summer

2011-06-06T11:52:00.000-05:00

Although the weather in Chicago has barely felt like summer, there's still a constant noise in the back of my head reminding me that bathing suit season has arrived, and I better stop eating like I can still wear sweatshirts and puffy coats wherever I go.

I believe it's time to regroup and start focusing on how-to-eat-whatever-I-want-without-looking-like-a-whale-in-my-bathing-suit.

There are three things that I love about summer: Farmer's Markets, being outdoors, and drinking. If only they sold vodka at the Farmer's Market, than all my dreams would come true.

The Farmers Market. The Farmers Market is a wonderful place to be. It's fresh, the people are lovely, and I enjoy buying food directly from the people who grow it... there's a sense of accountability that you don't get at a grocery store. If I get sick off of anything, at least I know who to blame.

Never underestimate the power of a long walk. Long walks are fun, they're romantic, they're a way to get exercise without thinking about exercising. Whether it's walking to a store, a restaurant, or just walking in circles like a lunatic, it's a wonderful thing that (especially us Chicagoans) can finally be outdoors and feel warmth.

Alcohol is not the enemy. No, alcohol is not recommended if you are trying to lose weight, however, I believe it's because of the food choices you make when drinking, not purely because of alcohol alone. It is completely possible to continue drinking without sabotaging your diet if you can practice self-control. Have a few cocktails, just don't pair the cocktails with onion rings and deep dish pizza. My favorite summer cocktails are Skinny Girl Margaritas and Citron Sodas with an orange wedge.

Bottom line: It's summer. I'm drinking. And I'm doing it in a bikini. (Right after a nice long walk to the farmer's market).

Oh, Healthy Day

2011-05-26T09:47:00.001-05:00

Everyone defines healthy eating differently.

It's true. Your "healthy day" may be my "cheat day".

I ran into this predicament the other day when discussing food choices with what I will call a "healthy eater over achiever".

In the past four days I've cut out all "sweets".

I define sweets as cakes, cookies, ice cream, etc.

I am a strong believer that unless you are preparing for the Oscars or an equally important red carpet moment, there is no reason to ever go as far as to cut fruit out of your diet. Some people may define "sweets" as fruit, but I like to eat in a way that is sustainable and not flat out ridiculous, which means I eat fruit.

Every night around 8 or 9pm, I get a strong craving for something sweet. I've finally trained my body to not immediately crave a piece of chocolate, but to instead crave a piece of fruit or yogurt. This is a huge accomplishment (to me, not to the healthy eater over achiever).

Which... pisses me off.

I firmly believe in eating realistically. As a long-time sweet eater, for me to suddenly start choosing fruit over ice cream is a HUGE accomplishment.

If you are focusing on making healthier eating choices remember not all diets are created equal. Your "healthy day" is uniquely yours, and you cannot get caught up in comparing your diet to others. Once you are able to identify what works for you, making healthy eating choices will become easier and your goals will be more attainable.

Did ya miss me?

2011-05-23T10:27:00.001-05:00

Please excuse my lack of presence in the blogosphere lately, for I have been on a week long hangover.

I went to Vegas a week ago, and although my body returned late last Monday night, I think my brain has just officially arrived.

People have been asking me why I haven't been writing, and I honestly don't know. I think I'm bored.

I'm bored with exercise, food, work, etc. You're probably thinking I'm just a big 'ole complainer considering I just spent four days in Vegas, the most un-boring city there is, but I guess it just wasn't enough.

Maybe it's the teenage girl in me who is just dying for some drama. I mean, isn't it so stupid to be bored because everything is going well?

Our lovely stripper Anthony, who not only had a Jersey accent, but a lisp. Sexy.

Or maybe I'm just having post-Vegas depression.

So until I have a really funny story to tell you, I will leave you with some pictures from my trip to Vegas.


My mom and I, dressed like twins, with my future sister-in-law

What's In A Number?

2011-05-10T08:20:00.000-05:00

Big news people. Huge.

I actually weighed myself.

(gasp!)

And would you believe me if I told you I felt good afterward?

The dreaded number was actually right where I thought it would be. And just like Kevin Arnold in Home Alone overcoming his fear of his basement, I too got over my fear of the scale and started chanting - "I'm not afraid anymore!"

It wasn't so much that I was afraid, but more that I just didn't want to experience that sinking feeling when you assume something is one way, and then all of the sudden it's not at all what you expected.

And I didn't want to feel fat - let's be honest.

So, thankfully, not only do I feel OK about my weight, but I feel great about sucking it up and just weighing myself already. It's like anything else in life, it's all about timing. I woke up one morning and just decided that today was the day I put on number on this body and get over it.

This doesn't mean I will make a habit of weighing myself, but next time my fiance decides to throw me over his shoulder in an attempt to get me on the scale, I won't fight back as hard.

Cinco De Drinko

2011-05-05T10:23:00.000-05:00

Happy Cinco De Mayo Everyone!

What would be better than to sit down with a big old Margarita, an extra large bowl of guacamole, crunchy chips, some simmering fajitas, maybe a burrito, and of course, a shot of patron?

I love me some Mexican food, but I don't love how most dishes are extremely high in calories and fat.

So here are my tips to enjoying your Cinco Celebration without having to deprive yourself of all the yummy food.

The healthiest option? Fajitas. Skip the tortilla, and just eat the meat. Use guacamole and salsa for some flavor. Order black beans instead of refried beans, and say no to sour cream. If you're drinking (like that's even a question) order your margarita on ice, not blended. Don't feel like you can't enjoy some chips and salsa, just be sure you aren't eating the entire chip basket.

The most unhealthy option? Most likely it's the burrito or the enchiladas. The tortilla used for most burritos is around 200 calories alone, and then when you add the meat, rice, beans, sour cream, cheese, etc. to the dish you're looking at a good 1,000 calories in one worthless burrito. Do yourself a favor and eat it "unwrapped" by just eating the inside and avoiding the tortilla altogether.

If your an enchilada fan, I think you're a lost cause. Tortillas, rice, meat, and multiple layers of cheese typically does not equal a healthy dinner. This dish requires some portion control, as most restaurants will serve about 4 enchiladas per plate, roughly 1200 calories a dish. Yikes. That's a lot of cardio.

A few other things to remember: it's a holiday, you should enjoy yourself, and most importantly, Diet Starts Tomorrow.

The Balancing Act

2011-05-03T08:25:00.000-05:00

I've been thinking lately about the balance between exercise and eating.

The more you exercise, the hungrier you are, and therefore, the more you eat.

What... a pain in the ass.

What if it worked the opposite way? The more you exercised, the less hungry you became? Now, that would be some big time motivation.

And then there's the balance between eating too little and eating too much. If you eat too little, your metabolism slows down and you aren't providing your body with enough fuel to go about your day, exercise, etc. But then if you eat too much, you put on weight, feel sluggish, etc.

And yes, you can follow a diet book, a workout video, read a hundred blogs on weight loss, and in the end it all comes down to the same thing - you. What works for you, not me, not the celebrity, and definitely not what the diet book tells you. Rather than looking to all these things as answers, we need to look at these things as "tools" and guidelines, and then we can write our own rules.

So what are your guidelines to achieving your goals? How do you find balance, especially on the days when life seems to be completely off-balance?

Excuses, Excuses

2011-04-27T14:15:00.000-05:00

I often hear people say that they eat because they're stressed.

If you're having a bad day, sometimes the only thing that will make it better is your favorite food.

Or is it all just an excuse?

How often have you told yourself, "I'm stressed so I'm skipping the gym" or "I'm stressed so I'm eating whatever I want."

Excuses are like assholes, everybody's got one.

I don't believe that anyone can reach their health and fitness goals if they are making excuses. If you don't feel good, you don't feel good. And there's no reason to apologize or to blame it on something like stress. If you're realistic about what you want to accomplish and the effort you are willing to put into it, than you will have the results you want.

Right now, I feel like a Dairy Queen blizzard, my bed, and some trashy reality TV. So if I don't make it to the gym tonight, I'm not going to make any excuses for myself, and I'm not going to cry myself a river if I don't look good in my bathing suit (which I will be wearing in less than two weeks, assuming that I still have a suit that fits after the DQ binge.)

Plain and simple, I'm not motivated and I'm tired - today.

Tomorrow is a new day.

Stress is a temporary thing, and there's never a bad day to start fresh and become motivated once again.

Cooking for Dummies

2011-04-21T10:00:00.000-05:00

Last night I went to war. With my food processor.

David was coming home from a business trip and I wanted to prepare a special dinner for him in the form of cream of broccoli soup.

Since we're both trying to keep off the poundage, I decided to make a "fake-out cream of broccoli soup."

As you may know, I'm no cook, but about once every few months I decide to make something from scratch. I've been told, "if you can read, you can cook" but I also believe "just because you can talk, doesn't mean you should" and I think this rule applies to cooking, too.

So in lieu of going to the gym I decided to play housewife and whip up a homemade batch of soup. What... was I thinking.

I began chopping my first ingredient - the onion. What should take a few minutes took me about fifteen because I happened to purchase the strongest onion in the grocery store. My eyes were burning, I was crying, and my dog kept chasing me around the apartment as I muttered "shit, shit, shit" under my breath while covering my eyes.

Once that ordeal was over with, I chopped up 2 large broccoli stalks, added them to my cooking onion, mixed in cumin, nutmeg, and nutritional yeast flakes.

Two things about nutritional yeast flakes (not to be confused with "yeast flakes"): One, I'm still not sure what these are and two, why are they sold in the vitamin section of Whole Foods?).

I mixed in vegetable broth and water and let my masterpiece simmer for about 20 minutes.

This is when things took a turn for the worse. I went to get my food processor out of the cabinet, and in the process everything else in the cabinet fell on top of me as well. This would not have been a big deal if the blade of the food processor hadn't punctured my arm. Distracted, it took me about 30 seconds to register that my arm was bleeding.

After a quick detour to my bathroom for some band aids, I returned to battle it out with my food processor. Since I haven't used it in about 5 months when it came time to plug 'er in and process my soup, I couldn't remember how to use it.

It was around this time I started dialing my favorite Chinese restaurant, but then somehow convinced myself I should finish what I started.

After 10 more minutes of struggling to get the processor to start, I had only one thing I could turn to for help - Google.

What did we all do before Google?

I searched for the directions to my food processor, discovered that if not all parts of the processor were properly in place than it wouldn't work, "for safety reasons." Well, I had already stabbed myself so at this point safety was not my main concern. My now cold soup was finally being "processed" and a meal that should have been done in 30 minutes was now taking me about an hour and a half.

Finally, I put the soup back on the stove, added some half and half, and waited for it to come to a boil. This was when I realized why most people have a glass of wine while they cook. I didn't know if I was hungry or just wanted a nap.

However, I did serve myself a generous portion of soup, sprinkled some Swiss cheese on top, and went to town.

And guess what? I'm a pretty decent cook.

But, I will not be hosting any dinner parties anytime soon, and I still have my Chinese restaurant on speed dial - just in case.

One Size Fits Most

2011-04-20T09:46:00.001-05:00

Sorry for all bubbles that are bursting as I say this, but there is no such thing as a "one size fits all" eating plan.

Weight Watchers, Jenny Craig, South Beach Diet, etc. all have one thing in common - they don't work for everyone.

When it comes to eating in order to lose or maintain your weight, here are three rules to follow:

Do your homework. Read a variety of diet books, not just one. You will find there's always an underlying theme in every diet - fruits, vegetables, whole grains and protein = good. Fats, starchy carbs, sugars = bad. Any diet that does not incorporate exercise in someway is not a realistic diet to follow. You want to find something that you can maintain long-term, not just for two weeks. If the diet sounds like it's going to be miserable (i.e., cabbage soup diet), it probably will be.

Determine what foods you can't live without. First of all, you could live without any food if you really wanted to, but that would be really boring. If you must have chocolate everyday, have chocolate everyday. If you can live without a bag of chips then ditch the bag of chips. Customize your own eating plan, and don't restrict yourself to just what Jenny has to say. I once started eating turkey bacon because that's what the South Beach Diet told me to do. I did this for a few weeks until I suddenly realized I hated turkey bacon. Eating something just because a book tells you to is not always the best decision.

Here's a shocker - Exercise. If you're following a diet that never once mentions exercise then you are right to assume that diet sucks. If your goal is long-term weight loss you need to create a new lifestyle for yourself, which goes way beyond just eating healthy. I fall victim to "couch potato" syndrome anytime the weather is less than perfect, which is why my workouts are always focused on quality over quantity. As long as I get a 20 minute workout in, I feel better, eat better, and can then feel less guilty watching the Toy Story marathon on Starz.

Bottom line - there is no simple answer when it comes to losing weight. You can read "Eat This, Not That" till your head explodes and still not see any results. Create your own eating plan that incorporates foods you like to eat and give yourself realistic goals.

If losing weight were easy, there wouldn't be five million fad diets to choose from.

Trendy Foodies

2011-04-14T16:52:00.002-05:00

Has anyone else noticed that tacos are so hot right now?

Every new, trendy restaurant in Chicago is serving tacos.

Some with fish, some with chicken, some vegetarian, and some with beef.

My friend said it best, "tacos are the new sliders."

Amen, Sista.

Similar to the taco, wedge salads are all the rage. I just can't get away from the wedge.

Remember when truffle fries were cool? If you showed me truffle mac n' cheese on a menu, I was giddy with delight. Now, I don't even bat an eye at the truffle fry.

I think food trends are like fashion trends.

Everything is cyclic.

Before we know it flatbreads and appetizer samplers will be all the rage once more.

Until then, I'll be the girl at the restaurant eating the taco-wedged-truffle-slider.

TMI Part 2

2011-04-13T09:18:00.001-05:00

I had so much fun reading what everyone ate yesterday, I thought, why not do it again?!

Soooooo... on Tuesday it was the same 'ol routine. Iced coffee, yogurt, and Luna Bar for breakfast. Although my breakfast gets spread out over four hours, it seems to keep me satisfied until lunch.

For lunch I was really craving a visit to the mall. I thought I would do some casual shopping which turned into a brand new dress and some accessories. So a few hundred dollars later, my lunch break had stretched into two full hours and some credit card debt. I'm so embarrassed to tell you what I ate (mom stop reading now), but I went to McDonalds. I know, barf.

I ordered the southwest salad with no chicken and fat-free Italian dressing. So really this meal wasn't bad, it just had no substance. You may be asking - where's the protein? It came in the form of raw almonds. I love me some almonds.

When I got home from work I ate some cut up mango that I bought at the Mother Ship (Whole Foods) as my pre-workout snack.

For dinner I actually cooked. (Yay! Virtual high-five!)

I made some ground turkey, added a packet of taco seasoning, corn, cheddar cheese, crumbled corn chips on top, and a scoop of guacamole. I guess you could call this "hobo taco night," but I call it delicious.

For dessert I had vanilla caramel frozen yogurt. This was definitely unnecessary, and at the same time, very necessary.

For my workout I did the Stair Master for 20 minutes, ran for 15 minutes, and walked for 10 minutes. I ended my workout with stretching and some core work.

But more importantly, what did you eat yesterday?

TMI?

2011-04-12T08:55:00.000-05:00

I find myself very interested in other bloggers who write about what they eat every day, and yet, somehow I've never been one to write about my meals.

I guess today's a new day.

Maybe if I start posting what I eat, I will eat better for fear of being criticized. Or not.

So here it is, the big reveal, a-la Oprah.

I basically can't start my day without a Dunkin Donuts French Vanilla Coffee. Now that the sun has finally come out in Chicago, I get iced coffees. And since my Dunkin Donuts "barista" and I have become best friends forever, when I order small coffees she always makes me a large and hands it to me with a wink. She's also memorized my order and proudly makes my drink without me even having to ask.

Since I get to work between 7:30-8 a.m. I'm never very hungry. I usually start my day with a low-fat yogurt. By 10 am I'm usually in need of a pick-me-up which I satisfy with some type of protein bar. My favorites are Luna Bars in either the chocolate cookie or peanut butter flavors.

Yesterday for lunch I picked up sushi. I ordered miso soup and a salmon cucumber roll. I was definitely still hungry after lunch but was busy enough at work to avoid thinking about food until I left around 4pm. I went straight to the gym and because it was a Monday my brain wasn't functioning at its proper speed and I completely forgot to pack a pre-gym snack.

After my workout I chopped up strawberries and mango and ate my makeshift fruit salad as an appetizer. I was going out to dinner that night, and didn't want to over snack before I over ate.

For dinner I ordered a caprese salad appetizer and a pistachio encrusted salmon as my entree. Which would've been perfect except I also ate a large piece of bread and half of David's chicken Parmesan and pasta. (Note to self: work on self-control).

The kicker was that we have a friend who works at the restaurant and sent us over free desserts. And if you read my post yesterday you would know that I haven't yet developed the ability to turn down a dessert.

What did you eat yesterday?

Sugar Addicts Not-So Anonymous

2011-04-11T09:48:00.001-05:00

Everyone is addicted to something.

Unfortunately, my addiction is desserts.

When I see frosting, chocolate, cake, cookies, candy, ice cream, etc., I get more than just a little excited.

I'm not sure how or why I've come to be addicted to sweets. It's been this way my whole life, and I have a feeling when you've spent the majority of your life addicted to something, it becomes quite the challenge to quit.

The only thing that has saved me from a lifetime of thunder thighs is the fact that I can't bake. For if I was able to whip up a cake at the drop of a hat, you better believe I would have the body of a muffin.

I realized that I'm over doing it in the sweets department when I was at a party on Saturday night. The desserts were brought out to our table (family style), and the waiter failed to bring me my dessert plate.

After waiting for about thirty seconds, I just couldn't take it anymore.

I had to eat those damn desserts and due to the fact that there were about 15 pieces of cut up chocolate cake on one plate, I couldn't just start eating directly off of the "group plate" (although, don't think I didn't consider it).

So I did what any addict would do, I laid my napkin down on the table, scooped up three pieces of cake and plopped them down on my napkin aka plate.

Was I embarrassed? Most people probably would be. I mean, who can't wait two minutes for a plate before they dive into their dessert?

But you're talking to an addict, so that my friends was just normal behavior.

I can't say I'm proud, but I also can't say that I don't find my inappropriate behavior quite entertaining.

The Ceremony

2011-04-07T09:48:00.000-05:00

Enough talk about scales and food, let's discuss something more important.

Like me and my wedding.

The ceremony location has been selected....

KKBE Synagogue in Charleston.

Look how happy we are outside our future place of matrimony.

11 months to go!

A Sign of Maturity

2011-04-06T09:41:00.001-05:00

I've been pulled over for speeding twice in my life.

The first time I was 16.

I was cruising down a school zone, probably blasting some really cool music like "Milkshake" by Kelis.

At that time I was a Junior in High School, and although I grew up in a suburb where due to property taxes public schools cost almost as much as private schools, our particular high school couldn't provide parking to all of its students. Unless you were a Senior, you were shit outta luck.

Every summer, the incoming Juniors would begin going door-to-door visiting the residents around our high school offering them money and gifts in exchange for parking in their driveways for the entire year.

Even at 16, us kids knew how to hustle.

I was fortunate enough to have a family friend let me park in their driveway for free. I was a great driver and almost never ran over the grass or backed up into the garage.

On the day I got pulled over I was running late, even though my first class didn't start until 10 am - I'm not a morning person - for some reason I still couldn't make it on time.

Actually, saying I got pulled over is not quite accurate.

I was followed three blocks by a cop car with flashing lights and siren, it wasn't until I had pulled into the driveway aka my "parking space", turned off the engine and looked up that I noticed there was a cop behind me.

I cried, I begged, I cried more, but the cop wasn't having it. I guess when you are followed for blocks and are too oblivious to notice there is a cop behind you, they take it sorta personally. Needless to say, I got my first ticket, turned my car around and went home - I was ~~not in the mood~~ in no condition to go to school.

Cut to yesterday. I was doing a cool 45 in a 30 when an unmarked cop car sneaked up from behind and busted me. This time I noticed him right away, let out an F-bomb, and pulled over.

This was the moment when I realized I had matured. No tears, no begging, just the truth.

And guess who talked their way out of a ticket?

Yours truly.

And then I gave myself a big-girl reward in the form of a Margarita.

Isn't becoming an adult fun?

Scale Wars

2011-04-05T08:27:00.005-05:00

You may have heard me say this before, but I'll say it again, I do not weigh myself.

I have not stepped on a scale in over a year.

Why?

Because I'm crazy.

And weighing myself will only make me crazier.

If I see a number that is not ideal it makes me crazy and obsessive. And even though I know I am being irrational, for some reason when my rational thoughts go head-to-head with my crazy thoughts, the crazy always wins.

If you read my previous post, you know that I've finally gotten my fiance to eat healthier and exercise. (yay!)

He has also started a "health journal" that includes him flossing, exercising, taking his blood pressure, keeping track of the food he eats, and weighing himself on a daily basis.

He has also made the same exact health journal for me. This is not a good thing.

Did I mention I refuse to weigh myself?

Which means we cannot keep track of weight on my "health journal," which he cannot stand.

So last night while I was unsuspectingly tweezing my eyebrows, I got grabbed from behind, picked up and carried to the scale. I began laughing so hard I couldn't breathe as he stood on top of the scale to get my weight.

The scale gods were looking out for me, as he was unable to hold on to me and look down at the number on the scale at the same time. I lived another day without knowing exactly how much I weigh.

All was right with the world once again, until 3 am.

When I decided to go to the bathroom in the dark.

And I tripped over the scale he had left in the middle of the bathroom, and almost went flying head first into the bath tub.

I told him I wanted him dead.

Which isn't true. I just wanted him to be the one that almost cracked their head open because of the scale, not me.

Maybe converting him to live a healthy lifestyle wasn't such a good idea after all.

I've created a monster people. Help!

***Please note I actually find this entire scenario hilarious. It was all in good fun. And I do not think weighing myself would be the worst thing ever, it just doesn't sound very fun.

Love is Blind... And Fat

2011-04-04T09:06:00.002-05:00

I've heard many times in my life that love can (and will) make you fat.

Moving in with a boyfriend can cause weight gain for one or all of the following reasons:

Loss of motivation. Suddenly you have someone in your life who loves you, which translates in your brain as "He loves me for me, so let's eat some cake."
He influences your eating habits. If he wants to eat pizza and beer every Saturday night and is encouraging you to do the same, why in the world would you say no?
No time to exercise. When you're in love, you want to be with that person every free second you have. Why would you ever waste an hour at the gym when you could be home on the couch watching a movie together?
Stress. Good or bad stress can make you turn to the fridge. You're so happy in your relationship that you just eat whatever you want because you no longer care to watch every little calorie or your relationship hits a few bumps and you turn towards Ben & Jerry for some emotional support.

I've lived with my fiance for almost two years, and in that time I have gone through all of the above. Mostly I've fallen under the category of him influencing my eating habits. I've always been a healthy eater and diligent exerciser (for the most part), but when we moved in together I found myself surrounded by deep dish pizzas and bagel breakfast sandwiches.

I don't blame him. He didn't force feed me pizza. But how do I sit next to him as he eats a large, steaming hot, cheesy pizza, while I munch on a bed of greens covered in balsamic vinaigrette?

The answer - I don't. I eat the pizza.

So what's the solution?

I eventually got fed up with the unhealthy eating and the lack of exercising. I think after a year of living together I regained my motivation and made it a point to find time to exercise, cook healthy dinners, and to change his eating habits as well.

Once I made a few healthy changes in my lifestyle, I believe it then motivated him to change his habits as well.

I won't take all the credit (just most of it) but I am proud to say that a few months ago, he began exercising three times a week, eating healthier, and he has lost 12 lbs!

First of all, I am so jealous.

Isn't it just so typical for a guy to make a few small adjustments and see BIG results?

Secondly, I am oh-so-very proud.

Now if only I can teach him to read my mind....

The Fat Mirror

2011-03-31T08:24:00.001-05:00

Maybe my eyes are playing tricks on me, or maybe I'm suffering from body dysmorphia, but either way I look fat.

Sometimes.

In certain mirrors.

Then in other mirrors, I look good. Real good.

And I can't figure out what's real and what's not.

I'm convinced that all mirrors in department stores are skinny mirrors. Which would be a huge disadvantage when buying clothes, however, these stores also have the most disgusting fluorescent lighting known to man in their dressing rooms, so I figure the nasty lighting cancels out the skinny mirrors. (Due to this lighting, whenever I find myself in a Bloomingdales or Nordstrom, I also wind up discovering the millions of pores on my face and all the places I've missed tweezing. It's a miracle for me if I get out of the dressing room without first giving myself a "mini-facial").

Then there's the gym. Whoever installs mirrors in gyms decided they would make every other mirror a fat mirror. That way, you continue to work out and don't cancel your membership because you are constantly looking at a fat version of yourself.

Is it just me or are we all getting duped?

I guess the best thing we can do is just stop judging ourselves by looking in a mirror and start focusing on the inner beauty.

Nah, that's just a load of crap.

I think I will start taking Polaroids.

Eating For Your Brain

2011-03-30T08:29:00.001-05:00

Yesterday, my new favorite blogger posted a link to an article that discussed how food is the cause of ADHD in many children.

I found this article extremely interesting because it basically states that what you eat can affect your life dramatically. Food doesn't just effect your weight, but also your brain. I believe this is true not only in children, but also with adults.

Food is like beer.

It's the cause of, and solution to, all of life's health problems.

If you eat fatty, sugary foods, your chances of having diabetes, strokes, and now, ADHD will increase. If you eat fruits, vegetables, and lean proteins, your chances of suffering from illnesses decreases dramatically.

If you're trying to change your eating habits I think it's important to look beyond what your "surface goals" are. If you're hoping to lose weight, that's excellent, but it may not get you to start eating healthier at every meal. If you change your focus from just wanting to lose weight so you look good in your bikini, to thinking about how you want your brain to function properly and that you don't want to be a diabetic, you will be more invested in making healthy eating choices.

In order to change your lifestyle, you have to change your mind. Focus on what's really important and you will be able to achieve your goals - without ever having to diet!

Click here to read the entire article on food and ADHD.

The Routine

2011-03-29T08:23:00.001-05:00

I was asked to write about what I do when I'm at the gym. This is meant to inspire, not meant to tell you what you should be doing.

Everyone is different. Everyone is at a different level. Do not compare your workout to my workout, just use this as a guide and maybe for some new ideas to incorporate into your own routines.

So what does my ideal workout routine look like?

Monday - 45 minute cycling class

Tuesday - weight/strength training for 50 minutes followed by 5 minutes of stretching

Wednesday - 40 minutes Stairmaster, 5 minute cool down walk on the treadmill, 5 minute stretch

Thursday - 20 minutes Stairmaster, 20 minutes sprint/jog/walk combo, 5 minute cool down, 5 minute stretch

Friday - weight/strength training for 50 minutes followed by 5 minutes of stretching

Saturday - Varies weekly - could be a Pilates class, a 45 minute spin class, or Stairmaster, depends on my mood or how much I plan on drinking Saturday night

Sunday - Day Off!

Now, this is the routine on a really good week. My weeks are like snowflakes, no two are ever the same.

Working out 6 days a week is hard work and not always the best thing for you. Your body needs time to rest and recover so I never workout 7 days in a row. I always try to exercise 5 days a week, and if I make it to 6 it's a great feeling. For me exercising is just as much mental as it is physical, and it also allows time for me to relax and clear my head.

The important thing to remember when choosing your exercising routine is that you have to find something you enjoy doing. It may sound sick, but I love the Stairmaster and I love cycling classes. I get excited to do these things the same way I get excited about a two-for-one deal on cupcakes.

My workouts aren't designed to be easy, that would be boring and ineffective. My workouts are focused on speeding up my metabolism and burning as many calories as possible. When I do a 40 minute Stairmaster workout, I am not at the same level for the entire 40 minutes. I pick a setting that will speed up and slow down (picture a roller coaster) this keeps my body guessing, taking it to my anaerobic threshold and then bringing it back down again.

Remember - quality not quantity!

If you have any more questions and would like to remain anonymous please email me at Lindsay@dietstarts2mrw.com.

Let's Workout Bitches

2011-03-28T08:45:00.004-05:00

It's been awhile since I talked about my exercise routine.

Probably because I've spent the winter months slacking off and not exercising.

Which may not be a big deal to most, but for me it is absolute torture.

I love exercise. I love sweating. I love the way I feel after a great workout.

For my workouts it's not about quantity, it's about quality. I don't spend two hours sweating it out on a cardio machine, I rarely even spend an hour. My focus is on high intensity workouts for shorter periods of time.

And guess what, it works.

Most people are so focused on the minutes spent working out and not on the quality of those minutes.

Why waste an hour of your life? 20 minutes is all you need.

Next time you're working out focus on spending 20 minutes where you push yourself to your absolute max.

Another important thing to remember when working out is that, it's not about how you look, it's about how you feel.

Trust me, no one is looking at you.

No one cares that you're sweating like a pig, not wearing makeup, and how fast you're running.

Someone said to me the other day that they would be too intimidated to workout at a particular gym because they would know too many people and they would have to look good every time they exercised.

That.... is crap.

If you are worried about people looking at you while you're exercising, I challenge you to really push yourself for 20 minutes and not to worry about anyone else in the room but yourself. Making a goal for yourself and focusing only on reaching that goal will help you to block all other worries out of your mind. I guarantee you will not give a hoot about whether someone is looking at you.

Finally, and most importantly, no guilt.

No one ever got fat because they worked out 3 days instead of 5 or because they only spent 30 minutes at the gym instead of 60. Once you rid yourself of stupid self-imposed rules you will be a lot happier and it will be easier for you to focus on the quality of your workouts.

Now, let's workout, bitches.

Nice Legs, Ugly Bank Account

2011-03-22T14:04:00.002-05:00

You may remember that about a year ago I quit the gym.

It was great.

Cut to now where I happen to be less than a year away from my wedding (which seems to be the recurring theme in all of my posts lately, my apologies) and I had to suck it up and rejoin a gym.

Good news, my gym of choice has upgraded substantially.

Bad news, it's more expensive than my previous health club.

But as I always say, you get what you pay for.

At my previous gym I paid to workout alongside the douche bags of Chicago, but now I pay for a fully equipped health club with a spa, pool, restaurants, and more.

I'm moving on up, bitches.

Truthfully, my favorite thing about joining a new gym is that it gives me a new sense of motivation. I've been working out at least five days a week and cooking my dinners four nights a week (yes, I eat out Friday-Sunday, and no I don't plan to change that anytime soon).

I look good.

More importantly, I feel good.

So what have I learned?

One, I should have never quit the gym.

Two, money spent on health and fitness is the best way to spend money. Well that, and shoes.

Three, I'd rather be broke than fat.

365

2011-03-17T15:55:00.001-05:00

In exactly one year I will be a Mrs.

Holy. Crap.

Yes, I know my wedding's on St. Patrick's Day.

No, I will not be in green.

It's my wedding day, bitches!

3.17.12

This Is Why You're Fat

2011-03-16T08:44:00.000-05:00

There are a lot of misconceptions about what's healthy and what's really healthy.

As I'm beginning my journey into full-blown healthy eating and consistent exercise, I've begun to start focusing on how I can make the most out of what I eat and what I do.

I've been inspired by the basic concept behind the book, "This is Why You're Fat." Not only do I love this title, but I think this is one of the few "diet" books that actually isn't complete BS.

The general concept behind "This is Why You're Fat" is to eat certain foods every day. You MUST eat.

Rather than telling yourself, "you can't eat carbs, you can't eat chocolate, etc." this lifestyle change is based on the idea that you CAN eat what you want, but you must incorporate a few foods into your diet everyday.

No foods are off limits!

What I am focusing on is eating these foods every single day:

1/2 cup Oatmeal
2 Eggs
2-3 Liters of Water
2 Servings of Fruit
2-3 Servings of Veggies

Realistically I will have to take this day-by-day because I don't always know where I'm going to be and what food's will be available to me. So as a plan B, I need to be sure that things can be interchangeable. For example, if I don't eat 1/2 cup of oatmeal, I will eat 1/2 cup of brown rice instead. If I don't eat 2 eggs I will try to substitute that with lean protein like chicken or fish.

Another misconception is that all foods are created equally. There is a big difference between eating instant oatmeal and eating old fashioned oats. Instant oatmeal packets are missing some of the key ingredients that make old fashioned oats so good for you. However, if the choice is between a doughnut or instant oatmeal, the instant oatmeal will always be your best bet.

Finally, the importance of exercise. My main goal is to spend at least 20 minutes/5 days a week, working hard. As I've said before it's not about the quantity of your exercise, it's about the quality. 20 minutes of pushing yourself will go a lot further than 60 minutes of mediocre cardio.

This is the plan. Now I have to make it happen.

As my favorite celebrity fitness trainer, Jackie Warner, says, "Being fat isn't your fault; staying fat is."

Shredding For the Wedding

2011-03-14T13:59:00.000-05:00

Just when I thought I had limited my reality TV addiction to just all things on Bravo, someone had to go and create a new show called, "Shredding for the Wedding."

Is there anything more perfect than a show which involves fitness, food and weddings?

Nope.

Conclusions:

The women on this show must cry at least 10 times each episode.

Theme weddings creep me out. (i.e., the "Gamers")

The trainers are wannabe Biggest Loser trainers, but I can let that slide.

Now, I myself would like to, "Shred for the Wed," but unfortunately, I'm not eligible for this show because I don't have an obesity problem and I do NOT want a theme wedding.

Therefore, I will be creating my very own reality show inside my head that is called Shredskee for the Wedskee and stars a twenty-something, really cute girl, who would like to not drop an insane amount of weight, but would just like to look her very best.

So as I devise my very own plan, I welcome any and all advice from future and past brides, or just anyone who feels they can relate to what I'm hoping to accomplish.

Here's to early mornings at the gym, not eating past 9 pm, and fitting into that dress come wedding day.

Shopping Shoulders

2011-03-09T10:07:00.001-06:00

There are many things that my fiance and I enjoy doing together.

Whether it's traveling or going to restaurants, we always have a great time.

This is not the case when we go shopping.

David grew up with three sisters and a mother, who all loved to shop (as any normal girl would).

As a result, David absolutely hates shopping with me.

Unless the store is filled with different electronic gadgets, he will literally complain the entire time and tell me he is suffering from "shopping shoulders."

Shopping shoulders are when your back and shoulders get cramped and start to ache. This typically comes from carrying around large shopping bags for a long period of time. David, however, will somehow develop shopping shoulders within the first five minutes he enters a store.

For the most part I enjoy shopping alone. I often find walking around a mall by myself therapeutic and I love making trips to the Mother Ship solo, but every so often I like to have someone there with me.

Even if it is just because I need someone to carry the groceries from the car to the apartment.

So I finally found a way to convince David to go grocery shopping with me, I bribe him.

What do I bribe him with?

Pizza. Obviously.

Whole Foods happens to make some damn good pizza by the slice, so on the rare occasion I convince him to go grocery shopping with me, I reward him with pizza at the end of the shopping trip.

It reminds me of potty training my dog.

It also proves the theory that you can make anyone do anything if you reward them with food.

Or maybe this just proves that David will do anything for pizza.

I'll keep you posted.

A Year of Starting My Diet Tomorrow

2011-03-02T08:31:00.000-06:00

I'm no good at anniversaries, but I can tell you that the month of March does mark my first year of blogging.

This has been quite the year. I've had three jobs, visited two countries, and received one engagement ring.

Let me tell you, I'm exhausted.

In honor of my blog's big b-day, it's only appropriate that I tell the story of how Diet Starts Tomorrow came to be and that I eat a cupcake. Or two.

Once upon a time I was a writer. I wrote for 944 Magazine and assumed my life would take me in the direction of eventually becoming an editor. But as fate would have it, I found myself working a completely different job, which was OK considering it led me to my fiance. More on that later.

So last March I was on my second "big girl job" and I was thoroughly depressed. It's an understatement to say that this job sucked beyond my wildest dreams.

During this time I missed writing. A lot. I felt like I was getting further and further away from what I really wanted to do, and that's when I decided to start blogging.

I didn't know what I wanted to write about, I just knew I needed to write. I had stupid titles in mind, most of them way too cliche, but eventually I asked myself what do I love talking about more than anything else in the world?

Well, number one is myself. But I figured that could get old.

Number two was obvious - food.

I love talking about food.

So, Diet Starts Tomorrow was born because it not only suggested a blog about food, but also a blog with a sense of humor.

Now here comes the secret. I started writing and didn't tell a single person. Not my boyfriend (now fiance), not my parents, and not even my best friends.

Why? Because I didn't know if I sucked or not. I knew my boyfriend, parents and friends would all tell me it was great, and I wanted someone who didn't know me to tell me the truth.

So I began writing and in a few weeks I received my first comment. I was elated. I actually had one reader who liked my blog not because they knew me, but because they were entertained by what I had to say.

That was when I decided to tell family and friends about DST, and since then I have been overwhelmed with support and encouragement.

I appreciate every single person that reads Diet Starts Tomorrow, whether it's everyday or once a year.

I hope I can offer some advice, or at the very least, make you laugh.

The Location

2011-02-28T08:16:00.003-06:00

Drum roll please....

The location of my wedding will be...

Charleston, South Carolina!

And now to answer the question I've been getting from everyone, "Why Charleston?"

Plain and simple - it's amazing.

Beyond it's amazingness, I have family there and I've always felt a connection to the city. It has incredible history, beautiful beaches and awesome shopping.

Most importantly, it has great food.

The best way I can describe Charleston is by telling you that it is a magical place. And that is how I want my wedding to be - magical.

So this weekend I will be traveling down South to finally pick a venue and a date.

I'm curious to know, when shopping for a wedding venue, how does one dress?

I'd like to look "wedding shopping chic," which sounds to me like I should be wearing high heels, but I don't think I can walk around in heels all day without turning into a total bitch.

I'm pretty sure the only thing that could make this weekend even better is a cake tasting.

I will have to wait a few more months for that wonderful endeavor, but at least I can rest assured knowing that "wedding cake shopping chic," is without a doubt, sweat pants.

The Name Game

2011-02-23T09:24:00.001-06:00

Once upon a time, I was telling someone about my blog.

Well actually, it was on a job interview.

She asked me what the name of my blog was and I told her, proudly, "Diet Starts Tomorrow".

To which she replied, "What does that mean, you're a procrastinator?"

"Um... No Bitch, that's not what it means."

....is what I should have said, but it was a job interview and I had to put on my happy face and innocent giggle.

I got the job, but I couldn't shake her stupid comment about me being a procrastinator.

That could not be further from the truth.

If I have something to do, I get it done.

So if there's anyone out there who is under the impression that the name of this blog was created because I am lazy and unmotivated, than you are seriously mistaken.

Plain and simple, Diet Starts Tomorrow is a funny name.

On top of that, I don't believe in diets, so it works perfectly.

I firmly believe that anyone who exercises on a regular basis is not a procrastinator.

We are a group of people that gets shit done.

If you look around your gym you will notice that everyone in there has a purpose. They are all working towards a goal. They are not the type of people to sit around and wait for miracles to happen.

And yes, us fitness fanatics may be a lot of things, but we are not procrastinators.

Cookie Monster

2011-02-21T09:08:00.000-06:00

The holiday season is over.

Valentine's Day has come and gone.

Which I thought meant less chocolate and more salads.

That was until this showed up at my door a few days ago.

What.....was I thinking.

Why did I feel the need to purchase ten boxes of Girl Scout Cookies?

First of all, I don't even like half of the flavors I bought.

Secondly, it's almost Spring which means dresses and bathing suits.

Finally, and most importantly, I'm a bride-to-be. Not a fat bride-to-be. I should not be eating Thin Mints on a regular basis.

So after a weekend of extensive research during a thorough "cookie tasting", I've realized that Samoas are by far the best Girl Scout Cookie ever.

They also happen to be the cookie with the highest calorie count. It only seems appropriate that my favorite cookie would be the one with the most fat and sugar.

So as I sit here Monday morning thinking about cookies, not only do I feel like a huge fat ass, but I'm pretty sure I need to find a better way to spend my time.

That was until my co-worker made fish sticks for breakfast.

And then I remembered that dreaming about cookies is OK.

Eating fish sticks for breakfast is not.

Shabbat Shalom

2011-02-18T09:22:00.001-06:00

In case you didn't know...

Put your paws up, Jews.

Nightmare on Superior Street

2011-02-17T08:58:00.001-06:00

Although this may come as a shock to most people, my "big girl job" involves me managing a website.

If you had asked me in college what I was going to do when I grew up, I would've told you writing for a magazine or professional binge drinker.

As it turns out, I may not be a coder, but I can talk the talk of HTML and Javascript like it's no big deal.

The perks of managing a website are slim to none - people like to order you around and expect changes to be made within minutes (oh, wait, that's every job) - with the exception of having the ability to do my job from any computer, in any location, anywhere in the world.

Which leads me to my point.

The other day I worked from home in order to avoid all the distractions that are in the office. (Distractions being the desperate 35 year-old girl who spends her entire day on Facebook looking for love and talking to me about it, and the bagels and cookies that are always sitting out in the office kitchen begging me to eat them.)

So working from home was supposed to be my "issue free zone".

That morning I grabbed my coffee, kept my sweatpants on, ~~brushed my teeth~~, and opened up my Mac to get my own work party started.

And that's when it occurred to me that the website I was managing could only be edited with the Internet Explorer browser. Which, of course, is the only browser that is not compatible with a Mac.

And that shouldn't have been a problem because I happen to have three other computers in my apartment.

(Please note: we have four computers in our apartment. Not two, which would be reasonable for two people to have two computers. We have four.)

My problem should have been solved, however, "someone" had broken ALL three chargers that belonged to each of the three computers.

And by someone, I mean my roommate.

Otherwise known as my fiance.

I frantically called him, because I knew he must have another computer lying around somewhere in his office.

He didn't.

But he did have a power cord.

So I drove to his office, grabbed the power cord, came back to my apartment and prayed that the computer Gods would allow one of my lap-tops to work.

Well, the cord worked, but only on the computer with the 10 inch screen.

I can barely type an email on a 10 inch screen. I would have been better off using an iPad.

Two hours and a lot of squinting later, I received a call from the fiance.

It just occurred to him that he had a laptop sitting right next to him that no one in his office was using. A laptop with a screen that would allow me to stop squinting.

By the time I drove back to his office again, and re-set up my work station at my apartment, this was my situation:

Four hours and five computers later, I finally did some work.

Online Shop Till You Drop

2011-02-16T11:07:00.002-06:00

For those of you who live in Chicago, I'm sure you're just as giddy as I am about the heat wave coming our way.

And by heat wave, I'm talking 50 degree weather.

Time to break out the bikini and the blender. It's time for blended fruity drinks and summer time diets.

I'm totally psyched.

So in celebration of this wonderful weather, I want to share with you my favorite things for Spring!

I happen to be addicted to all things Tory Burch. And since you can never get enough of a good thing, I feel it may be time to add to my shoe collection with this new item.

I should probably not add to my watch collection anytime soon, but if I do it will be this Marc Jacobs watch necklace. Perfect for the summer so you won't get a watch tan.

Finally, if I were getting married this Summer, this Alice + Olivia dress would definitely be making an appearance at a bridal shower or rehearsal dinner. I love chic white dresses. Did I mention this dress looks especially good with a diamond ring on your finger?

All My Single Ladies

2011-02-10T11:15:00.001-06:00

So today I've decided I'm going to have my "Carrie Bradshaw" moment and talk about love.

Cue the sappy music.

Valentine's Day is upon us, and once again I am suffocated by the constant reminders that if you aren't doing something on Valentine's Day, you are a huge loser.

No, I am not complaining.

I am not allowed to since I have a fiance.

However, the point I am trying to make is that this holiday is, and always will be, stupid.

For those who are stuck in a dating/hook-up "situation", there is nothing good that can come of this holiday. It either forces couples to define their relationships or forces non-couples to recognize that they are nothing more than friends with benefits.

Not to mention that V-Day reminds single girls that they are still very single.

I've always snubbed this holiday and considered it to be a big scam. I am a full believer that if someone loves you and cares for you than they should be sending you flowers throughout the year, and that they shouldn't need a holiday to remind them to be romantic.

I also don't believe in big "singles" parties or going out to dinner with a girlfriend just so you aren't alone. Have you ever seen the Sex and The City Movie where Miranda and Carrie go on a date on Valentine's Day and the waitress assumes they are lesbians?

To me, February 14th is just another day that my fiance should remind me how fabulous and wonderful I am.

And if I were single this upcoming Monday, I can promise you that I would be home watching reality TV and ordering in Chinese Food - and NOT feeling sorry for myself.

I'm sure people will disagree with me, but I'm also pretty sure those people will be the one's who have big plans to hang out with friends or go to an "awesome" singles party.

Do yourself a favor - stay home, buy yourself some roses, and pick up a Jewel cake.

Oh Yea, I have a Blog

2011-02-08T10:40:00.001-06:00

If this blog were a plant, it would be dying due to neglect.

As much as I try to write, I find myself using my spare time to surf wedding websites and criticize floral arrangements.

I considered starting a new blog devoted entirely to weddings, but quickly realized I would then have two neglected blogs instead of one.

In the two weeks that I've been engaged I have purchased 7 wedding magazines, emailed dozens of hotels and wedding planners, had one emotional breakdown, eaten lots of chocolate, gotten one massage, and have managed to get nothing accomplished.

Why?

Because I insist on having a destination wedding.

Which means that I've just made my wedding planning process a lot more complicated.

And I can't settle on a date, location, wedding planner, etc. until I actually step foot in the future location of my wedding.

It's officially killing me.

The one positive to this waiting game is that I do not have to start my wedding diet until I have an official date.

So it's time to bring on the carbs!

Because those who cannot plan, eat.

Love,
Bridezilla

Snow Day

2011-02-01T11:56:00.001-06:00

I am beyond ecstatic about the snow storm that's about to hit Chicago.

Why?

Because now I get to hang out with this face for the next three days.

Not only does she keep me warm but she is definitely helping me with all my wedding planning.

Happy Snow Day!

The Proposal

2011-01-31T09:00:00.004-06:00

I'm Engaged, Bitches.

Yes, my holiday wish list came true, and I am the proud new owner of a diamond ring and a fiance.

Never in my life have I been so excited and so overwhelmed.

Arriving at my engagement surprise party

I get to plan my wedding, the wedding I've already been planning in my head for the past 24 years, but now it's for real.

I can now be on theknot.com and buy bridal magazines without feeling like a total weirdo. It's absolutely amazing.

Since last Thursday night (the night of the proposal) I've gotten every question in the book - when's your wedding? where's your wedding? who are your bridesmaids? what are your colors? how did he propose?

And because the only question I can answer right now is how did he proposed, I bring to you -

The Proposal

All of last week David (my now-fiance, then boyfriend) had been bitching and moaning about a business trip that he was taking to New York. It was just a day trip, fly in to NYC early and fly back late Thursday night, but still, LaGuardia Airport is a shit hole, so I completely understood his frustrations.

He sent me his flight information so that I was prepared to pick him up from the airport on Thursday night.

Thursday morning began with me kissing him goodbye around 7 am and reminding him that he better hurry up and get to the airport so he didn't miss his flight.

He was ecstatic at the fact that the plane had free WiFi, and was able to g-chat with me the entire flight, except during take-off and landing.

During the day I kept myself busy at work talking to him here and there. You may remember last Thursday there was a major snow storm in New York, flights were canceled and schools were closed, so I was quite concerned that he wouldn't make it back home.

He sent me flightstats.com updates periodically throughout the day, but I tried my best to keep a positive attitude that he would make it home on time.

Cut to 4 pm when I was driving home from work. I gave David a call as I always do, and he stepped out of his "really important NYC business meeting" to speak to me briefly.

I finally made it home around 4:30 pm and couldn't wait to go to the gym, order in some sushi and pick my man up from the airport.

I walked into the apartment and went to our second bedroom to let the dog out.

I opened the door to the bedroom and there David was in the middle of the room.

"What the fuck?" was obviously the first thing out of my mouth because I have knack for dropping F bombs when I'm caught off guard.

Then suddenly I couldn't breathe.

He's down on one knee.

There's a ring box in his hand.

Holy. Shit.

And that's when I started to lose it.

I started crying, sweating and couldn't speak.

The rest, as they say, is history.

I won't share what he said, because I'd like to keep some things private, but I will say that I was so in shock it took me a few minutes to even look at the ring.

And once I did look, I took my David Yurman ring off and practically threw it across the room, because the only ring I wanted near my hand was that diamond.

Nothing in my life has ever felt so surreal. I couldn't believe that his "New York Trip" was completely fabricated, that all of my friends and family had known he was proposing for weeks, and that now I have a fiance.

My husband-to-be has been a part of my life for a very long time. I've known him since I was around 11 years old, but we didn't start dating until I was 22. Growing up I always wondered who I would marry. If my then-boyfriends would turn out to be "the one" or if it was someone I wouldn't meet until I was a lot older. And now it turns out it was someone who has been a part of my life for as long as I can remember.

Mmmm Cake

The past few days have been the most exciting and happy days of my life, and I can't believe it's only the beginning.

P.S. Did I mention wedding diet starts tomorrow?

Have Your Cake... And Eat For Two

2011-01-25T11:00:00.002-06:00

This past weekend I had to subject myself to a visit to the local Jewel.

For those of you who don't know, Jewel would be the equivalent to a Ralph's or Von's, only when you go to a Jewel in the middle of Chicago, the quality of food and people is more comparable to a dollar store in the middle of south Florida.

The express lines are slower than the regular lines, the entire store smells like a fried chicken and there wasn't enough hand sanitizer in the world that would get me to use one of their shopping carts.

So what in the world would get my obnoxious self to step foot in to one of these poor excuses for a grocery store?

Cake. That's who.

There's nothing better than a Jewel cake.

NOTHING.

So you can see the pickle that I was in.

It was my lovely boyfriends birthday, and a birthday cake was in order, thus, Jewel was a necessity.

Which only reinforced the one thing I've always known about myself - I will do just about anything for food.

I actually didn't realize just how excited the prospect of eating birthday cake got me until I sat there waiting for my cake to be ~~found in the creepy dungeon that is the bakery at Jewel~~ brought out to me, when I noticed that they sell individual pieces of birthday cake.

Shut. Up.

This means that I can come to the store any day of the week, pick up my own personal cake, bring it home, turn on some Real Housewives of Beverly Hills and have the best night of my life!

So I sat there with a cake that would feed 20 resting in my arms, and thought to myself, "damn I would love a piece right now."

I stared at the individual pieces of cake, all wrapped up and practically begging me to take one home. It whispered softly to me, "come on, just one piece now. I'm sooo yummy and full of sugary goodness".

As I reached down to grab a piece of cake I suddenly caught a whiff of the fried chicken and biscuits being prepared right next to the bakery, filling the air with the strong stench of grease and clogged arteries.

Suddenly a vision of myself at 300 lbs watching Ace of Cakes popped into my head, and I immediately dropped the piece of cake and scooted my fat ass out of that store as fast as the 20-minute express self-check out lanes would allow me to.

Later on that evening, after a lumberjack-sized Italian meal, cake was finally served. The restaurant cut up pieces for everyone at the table and placed the remaining pieces in a to-go box. As I sat there in pure frosting heaven, my friend leaned over to me and asked, "are there any more?"

And, as any good fat kid would say, I snapped, "Yea, there's more cake in that to-go box, but I call dibs. Back off Bucko".

To which he responded, "I was asking if there were any more glasses of water".

My laughter quickly turned to embarrassment as I acknowledged silently to myself that I have a serious problem.

So I made a promise to myself - never ever ever will I go to the store to buy myself my own personal cake.

Cake is meant to be enjoyed on birthdays, not while watching trashy reality TV or when you're having a bad day - that's what Oreo McFlurry's are for.

And that my friends, is how I do moderation.

Fat Day

2011-01-19T10:10:00.001-06:00

When you've lived with someone for almost two years, you get to know a lot about them.

Maybe more than you ever wanted to know.

But isn't that the beauty of cohabitation?

I lived with one of my girlfriends for five years and got to know pretty early on that she did not appreciate me getting drunk, taking off my shirt and chasing her around our various abodes topless. (I guess you could say I enjoy pushing people outside their comfort zones.)

Now I live with a boy and I've learned that men exhibit many of the same characteristics as a girl would.

For example, mood swings.

It doesn't take much for either gender to go bat shit crazy if they are hungry or tired. It also doesn't take much for anyone to have a bad day.

Just the other morning I called the boyfriend to see how his day was going, and although he told me it was just fine, I could sense something was off.

Later on that day when we spoke again, he requested I make a healthy dinner and that he was going running later.

Two things that are not completely random, but sound suspiciously like a girl having a fat day.

When I got home later that night I learned the truth. Home boy was upset because he couldn't fit into his brand new suit pants. In the morning, while getting dressed for work, he attempted to put on his pants and realized the button was not closing.

I stood there in disbelief as he told me his story and replied, "that sounds exactly like something a girl would say if she was having a fat day", and then proceeded to cook up a healthy dinner of water and ex-lax. (Just like any good girlfriend would do.)

We then walked over to his closet as he told me, "I have to try those pants on again there's just no way they don't fit".

"Lay down on the bed and suck it in, that always works", I recommended.

It was then he let out a squeal of joy and proclaimed, "I put on the wrong pants! The pants I put on this morning were from 6 years ago, my new pants actually do fit! I'm such a dumb ass!"

In between my fits of laughter I told him, "I'm really happy that you didn't gain wait and can still fit into your pants, but I'm even happier to know that boys are just as crazy as girls when it comes to feeling like a fat ass."

And it's true, everyone has a fat day. It's when you have a fat year that you have a serious problem. Luckily his day was not a fat day, just a huge dumb ass day.

And in honor of that joyous occasion, we ordered pizza.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I'd also like to give a big HBD shout out to the man who inspired this post, and continues to make me laugh every day. Happy Birthday To My Favorite!

If You Are What You Eat...

2011-01-12T14:43:00.001-06:00

Then I would be a truffle fry.

Of course I've already gone and lost all self-control. And it only took one day.

This blog isn't called Diet Starts Tomorrow for nothing.

Last night I was invited to "Friends and Family" night at a brand new bar, Public House.

I like to think of myself as family, which may somewhat explain why I ordered every item on the menu, but that's besides the point.

For those wondering what exactly "Friends and Family" night is, it's a special event that bars and restaurants hold prior to their grand opening. It gives them the chance to test their menu and is comparable to a dress rehearsal for the wait and kitchen staff.

The best part for me? Everything was free.

So, you understand, I had no choice but to order every item on the menu.

And here you have it, what I ate for dinner last night:

chili-lime corn nuts
truffle black pepper popcorn
fried pickles (channeling my inner Snooki)
cheese, pear and bread platter
truffle french fries and dipping sauce (where the main ingredient is cellulite)
grilled Caesar salad
wild mushroom flat bread
house smoked turkey breast sandwich
bread pudding
chocolate chip cookies
2 citron sodas
1 patron shot

Besides leaving with a full stomach and a huge ass, I also got a sweet new tank top to wear to the gym... assuming I make it there.

At this rate I should probably go on the Biggest Loser if I ever want to make a goal and stick with it. Unless there is a cash prize or a wedding waiting for me, I may be shit out of luck on ever restricting my calorie intake.

Challenge, Accepted

2011-01-11T13:23:00.000-06:00

You may have read last week about my own personal challenge, You're On, Bitches.

Welp, the challenge started yesterday and it has lived up to its expectations of being a huge pain in the ass.

I haven't hammered out all the details yet, but let's just say the next few weeks look roughly like this:

EXERCISE

Week 1 - Cardio 3 days/week, Strength Training 2 days/week
Week 2 - Cardio 4 days/week, Strength Training 2 days/week
Week 3 - Cardio 3 days/week, Strength Training 2 days/week
Week 4 - (If I'm feeling ambitious) Cardio 5 days/week, Strength Training 2 days/week

After extensive research (my sources being US Weekly, OK Magazine and People), I've come to the conclusion that most celebrities exercise about 6 days a week and consume around 1200 calories a day.

Some claim to only do thirty minutes of exercise at a time, others do up to two hours.

I will never, ever spend two hours in the gym unless I'm training for a Black Swan remake. Therefore, my sessions will last between a normal, 30-60 minutes.

As for the food, week one's menu isn't too strict. Like anything else, baby steps people.

And since I'm taking it easier on the exercise as the challenge progresses I will have to maintain a more intense menu of food.

MENU DAY ONE

Breakfast - Organic low-fat yogurt
Kind Bar
Coffee with half and half

Lunch - Chicken Noodle Soup

Snack - Low Fat Hot Chocolate

Dinner - Vegetarian Enchilada
Tortilla Chips

This menu is horrendous. I had no fruit, vegetables, etc.

However, it kept to my challenge of minimizing my caloric intake.

Day 1 Down, 30 more days to go.

If you'd like to join me on my challenge, please do. Email me or comment to either ask questions or tell me I'm a nut job.

100 Days of Blogging

2011-01-07T09:22:00.002-06:00

Today is my 100th post.

Wowza.

I'm not quite sure how that's possible, but I do feel it's cause for some sort of celebration.

And to celebrate I will now share 100 things about my favorite person ever.

Me.

I am my own biggest fan. (obviously)
You can never have too much sugar.
I once spent an entire summer calculating how many miles I ran, biked and walked.
I love anything that sparkles.
That is why I chose to go to school in San Diego, because the ground sparkled. (Literally, the pavement has glitter in it.)
I figure skated from ages 4-14.
I watch Home Alone 1 and 2 every year between Thanksgiving and Christmas.
Every time I watch Home Alone I want to eat a cheese pizza, just like Kevin.
I always crave Chinese Food after I've been flying.
I love generic, store bought sheet birthday cake.
I won a bottle of rum in a limbo contest when I was 6.
I once sat next to Jason Mraz on an airplane from San Diego to Chicago. I was in the middle seat and he had the window. I asked him to switch with me, and he did.
I HATE the middle seat on airplanes.
I believe in Karma.
And it can be a bitch.
I love designer bags. They are my weakness.
I can touch my tongue to my nose.
I like telling people to suck it.
I don't take myself too seriously.
I love getting flowers. Especially on non-holidays.
Valentine's Day can suck it. Single or not, the holiday is stupid.
I never thought I'd be a blogger.
When I was 17, I threw myself a party called, "The Big Blowout".
The Big Blowout was at a strip club in Wisconsin.
It was nasty.
My 21st Birthday was called, "The Big Blowout Part II". There were no strip clubs.
I'm addicted to online backgammon.
I have the cutest dog in the world, named Bella.
She was named by my best friend, NOT after the girl in Twilight.
I never pulled an all-nighter in college.
However, I've pulled many all-nighters in Vegas.
I love Vegas.
What happens there, doesn't stay there.
I don't throw like a girl.
I love to travel.
I drink 2 liters of water a day.
I sometimes pick my nose, but I NEVER eat my boogers.
I've ghost rided my whip
I've eaten rabbit. (I know, I'm a bitch).
I love muffin tops.
Israel is the most fascinating place I've ever visited.
While in Israel, I climbed Masada at noon in 100+ degree heat, after taking a Dramamine. I remembered I had taken the Dramamine once I had gotten to the top of the mountain.
Strawberries are my favorite fruit.
Unless Maraschino Cherries count as a fruit.
I wish I could sing.
My inability to sing is the one imperfection to my entire being.
I got paid to write friend's essays in college.
I want to write a book.
I love reality TV.
When I was 7 and snorkeling in Turks and Caicos, Jo Jo the dolphin (trust me, he's famous), swam up to me to say hi.
I was in a date auction once.
I never went on the date.
And then I ended up on the guy's yacht by mistake. Things got weird.
I like change. I can deal.
I have flat feet. No arch. And I'm externally rotated. It's awkward.
And this also means high heels are extremely uncomfortable for me to wear.
But I wear them anyway. Pain is beauty.
I buy a smaller jean size now than I did in high school.
However, I'm convinced that if I had gone to college in the Midwest, this would not be the case.
I was the captain of my high school dance team.
I can still remember some of my dance routines.
I've been called into the Principal's office.
I have a very delicate stomach. Most foods make me feel sick.
I also suffer from motion sickness.
I wish I was a vegetarian.
I don't make New Years Resolutions.
Without photos on Facebook, I would've forgotten a lot of college.
I used to be a hand model.
Everything happens for a reason.
I like McDonald's. But just for their Diet Cokes, French fries and Oreo McFlurry's.
I learned to start saving money when I was 13. I'm extremely grateful to my 13 year-old self.
I still love Barbie.
My fitness resume is more impressive than my professional resume.
All dairy products taste better in Wisconsin.
My favorite book is Devil In The White City.
I never thought I would own a dictionary stand and dictionary. But I do, thanks to my lovely live-in boyfriend.
I also never thought I'd own so many as-see-on-TV products.
I know life is full of surprises.
My favorite bracelet has the quote on it, "Does this bracelet make me look fat?" I think it was made especially for me.
I love grocery shopping.
Especially at the Mother Ship (aka Whole Foods).
I'm trying to teach myself to love to cook. It's not working yet.
I never wear perfume.
But I still smell good.
If you're ever playing "Name That Tune", you want me on your team.
I have four calendars. I like planning ahead. And I love checking off days as they pass.
I eat gummy vitamins.
At least I eat my vitamins.
I was once given $100 to take a jello shot.
I laugh when I'm nervous.
St. Barths is my favorite Caribbean Island.
Virgin Gorda is second.
The best doughnuts in the world are located in Shell Lake, Wisconsin.
Cruise ships scare the crap out of me.
I never take out the trash.
I'll eat anything if it has rainbow sprinkles on it.
Sour Patch Kids are my favorite candy.
I still sleep with my blankey.
I wish sweat pants were socially acceptable in every situation.
I am happy everyday. And saying that, makes me even happier.

You're on, Bitches

2011-01-06T11:35:00.003-06:00

I've recently been bombarded by gossip magazines with covers that read, "how to lose 10 lbs in two weeks", "how these stars got slim" and other ridiculous phrases that I, of course, am completely captivated by.

Every celebrity is on a magical diet that has somehow made their perfect skinny little bodies into even skinnier, more perfect bodies.

While reading my US Weekly (yes, I'm a loyal subscriber, which I guess means I'm also a total douche), I got to a section that asked me to take a quiz called, "what diet is best for you?"

Well, I personally think that my best diet would be one where I have millions of dollars, don't work, spend my days in the gym and have a food-delivery service dropping off all of my meals that total 1,200 calories for the day.

But hey, that's just me.

We all know that I don't believe in diets, so obviously there is no diet that is best for me.

What's best for me is eating foods where the main ingredient isn't cellulite.

However, I dove a little deeper into these "celebrity weight loss secrets" to do some research on exactly what the "secret" is.

Kendra lost 40 pounds by working out for an hour, four days a week.

Beyonce has 6 mini-meals a day, and eats lots of fruit and protein.

Carrie Underwood works out 4-6 times a week, and is a vegetarian.

I'm pretty sure what these magazines failed to mention was the amount of plastic surgery, cellulite removal, personal training, meal delivery services, etc. that really played a role in these "weight loss secrets".

Either way, the root of all of these "diets" is the same basic principle. Eat healthy, nutritious foods, exercise regularly and avoid all things that turn your stomach into a life preserver.

And then I thought to myself, "You know what Bitches, You're On!"

I challenge myself for one month to eat like a celebrity. To work out 4-6 times a week, eat mini-meals all day long, and possibly attempt some vegetarianism.

The challenge will begin on Monday, January 10th and last until Monday, February 7th. Which means I have exactly one more weekend to be a lazy fat ass.

I still need to hammer out more of the details, but the general concept is: bread baskets are the devil, all sugar should be avoided like the plague and the gym is my best friend.

So I guess this means, Diet Starts On Monday.

Yikes.

The Trash Can Ate My Breakfast

2011-01-05T09:41:00.002-06:00

I'm often asked how to avoid carbs around the office.

Whether it's the cookie tray after lunch or the doughnuts in the morning, if you work in an office I think your chances of carb face increase by 120%.

However, if you're a dude, you probably never stare at the pile of bagels surrounding the office coffee pot contemplating each bagel's calorie count and trying to determine whether eating two bagels and skipping lunch will somehow keep your diet on track.

You may also not plan out each and every meal like many of us females do, and often find yourself in sticky situations just like my friend Drew.

"Someone" was supposed to send me this post yesterday, but didn't, which resulted in me posting a picture of my dog.

Thus, I bring you today's guest post from a former co-worker, current friend and breakfast enthusiast.

***

I totally blew it this morning. And before I even got to the office.

I started the day off the same as always: Lacking sleep and extremely hungry.

Every day I bring three waffles to work to have with my morning cup o' gross Keurig coffee.

Congratulations me, I forgot the waffles today.

Since the waffles didn't make it to the office, I decided to check the freezer for frozen "Monday Morning" Bagels*, that are always left over from the Monday staff meeting**.

To my stomach's surprise, there was a big ziplock bag full of bagels and I came up on a nice cinnamon raisin one. I threw it in the microwave to defrost in preparation for step two, the toaster.

Lesson learned: never trust the defrost sensor.

Maybe I'm the idiot, but I thought it would be somewhat sensible about heating.

However, what came out of that poor excuse for a microwave was a scalding hot lump of carb.

I juggled the bagel over to the toaster and for 5 minutes tried to separate the halves.

The napkin I was using to separate the bagel halves, absorbed the moisture left in the defrosted bagel and was glued to the bagel.

While burning off my fingers trying to split the bagel in half, I then had to pick off all the paper that was plastered on from the napkin. (insert frustrated girly scream here).

I made it back to my "workstation" to feast after finally getting my back-up meal sufficiently warm and toasty. I took a bite and, although almost all the flavor had been lost, it wasn't the worst tasting thing in the world.

Besides, free food is free food, and beggars can't be choosers.

A few more bites in and my jaw started throbbing. I was more or less eating the equivalent to rubber.

It was chewy and tough, and would probably be unappealing to an overweight dog.

I discarded the rest for the trash can to finish.

This prompted two thoughts:

1. Why don't I get more sleep so stuff like this doesn't happen?

2. Why are the bagels saved every week if they're inedible? And who the hell eats them?

If I learned anything from this experience, I'd say that I don't plan on digging in the freezer for free food anytime soon.

Breakfast is too good and necessary to have, but just remember, there's no such thing as a free...er, breakfast.

Drew Rose
www.drewrose.com

***

*I'd like to point out that the frozen "Monday Morning Bagels" are most likely from 2009, which would explain them being inedible.

**I'd also like to point out that these meetings were the absolute worst. Whoever thought bringing bagels would make a 9am Monday morning meeting better, was a serious asshole.

America's Next Top Model Dog

2011-01-04T11:43:00.000-06:00

Hi, this is my dog.

Why...

...do I ever leave the house?

New Year, Old Habits

2011-01-03T14:11:00.001-06:00

For as long as I can remember I've spent my first day of the new year the exact same way - hungover.

This year was no different (why break tradition, right?), and I spent January 1st drinking lots of water and eating an abundance of Italian food.

Although it's been two days, I still feel quite exhausted.

Maybe it's all that Florida sun or maybe it's that I'm pregnant with an Eggplant Parmesan baby.

So I look forward to tomorrow when I have something useful to say and my brain starts working at its normal high-functioning pace, not to mention when I start eating like a 5'4 woman, rather than a 6'5 lumberjack.

Happy New Year from me and my favorite.

And here's to spending 1-1-12 not in a vodka induced coma.

The Obligatory 2010 Post

2010-12-30T09:43:00.001-06:00

As a blogger it seems to be all the rage to give a 2010 recap post.

Which I started to do...

The Best and Worst of 2010.

The Worst
This list would be the worst, so I'm not even going to bother. The crap that happened in the past happened for a reason, I don't care and I'm sure you wouldn't either.

The Best
Spending two weeks in Israel, Moving into Apartment Heaven, Discovering that I can cook more than just a veggie burger, Welcoming the Jersey Shore into my life, My Big Fat Indian Wedding, etc.

...And then realized was extremely boring.

So instead I bring a much more Diet Starts Tomorrow appropriate post:

The Top 10 Things I Ate In 2010

10. Eggplant Parmesan It's really hard to screw this dish up. I love it and order it at almost every Italian restaurant.
9. Grilled Cheese from the Montage in Laguna Beach. Not only is this the only item on the menu that is under $20, but it is the best grilled cheese ever.
8. Couldn't tell you the name or place, but I had the best bagel of my entire life in NYC. There is truly nothing like a New York bagel. End of discussion.
7. Baking and eating fresh pita in Israel.
6. Dessert pizza cookie at Lou Malnati's. This is an absolute favorite of mine. There's nothing better than gooey cookie dough, with huge chocolate chips and a big scoop of ice cream on top.
5. Brunch a la David. Every weekend I have brunch made for me by my lovely boyfriend. Not only does he cook anything I request, but he cleans too. What more could a lazy hungry girl ask for?
4. Piece Pizza in Bucktown is by far my favorite pizza. And I've eaten more pizza this year than I think I did in my past 24 years.
3. Discovering the Bent Fork bakery in Highwood.(You can never have too much sugar).
2. Asian Chicken Noodle Soup. I have no idea why I'm so addicted to this (MSG possibly?), but if loving this soup is wrong, I don't want to be right.
1. Ten years ago while visiting a little island called Virgin Gorda, I ate the best meal of my entire life at an Italian restaurant called Georgio's. Just two weeks ago, I revisited Virgin Gorda and my all-time favorite restaurant. I was fearful that it would not live up to my expectations, but praise the food Gods, the food was even better than I remember. This is the absolute best restaurant I have ever eaten at, and I hope to be back there again soon.

Here's to starting our diets in 2011!

Diet Starts After New Years

2010-12-29T08:59:00.001-06:00

I did it.

I sprinted at 10 mph.

And I didn't have a heart attack, trip and smack my face on the ground, and/or vomit.

Oh, the treadmill.

What.... a pain in the ass.

After completing this task, I proceeded to treat myself with a little homemade Fettuccine Bolognese.

In order to not completely undo my workout I decided to make my feast using a more "gut friendly" recipe.

I began by chopping carrots, celery and onion and sauteed my vegetables in 1 tbs of olive oil.

Then I added mushrooms and garlic. I love using garlic. It makes everything smell delicious even if it tastes like crap.

After a few minutes, I added lean ground turkey instead of beef, two cans of diced no salt added tomatoes, thyme, chicken broth, and more boring ingredients.

I should also add in here that you should be cooking your Fettuccine. Otherwise you'll just be making a weird tomato soup.

Finally, I topped my masterpiece off with some grated Parmesan and stuffed my face.

I rarely make pasta, as you know I try to avoid carb face as often as possible, but when I do I try to make it worth it.

I wasn't blown away by this meal, but it definitely satisfied my pasta craving without making me feel like a total fat ass.

And since I gave the absolute worst directions possible, here is a more specific recipe in case you'd like to try this at home:

Diet Starts After New Years Bolognese

A package of whole-wheat fettuccini
1 tablespoon olive oil
1 small onion finely chopped
2 carrots, finely chopped
2 stalks celery, finely chopped
8 ounces mushrooms, finely chopped
3 cloves garlic, minced
1 pound lean ground turkey
2 tablespoons thyme
2 cans no salt added diced tomatoes with juice
1/2 cup chicken broth
1/4 cup whole milk
Salt and pepper to taste
Grated Parmesan

Cook the fettuccini according to the directions on the box. In the meantime, heat the oil in a large skillet over a medium-high heat. Add the onion, carrots, and celery and cook for 5 minutes, stirring occasionally. Add the mushrooms and cook for 5 minutes more, stirring occasionally. Add the garlic, ground turkey, and thyme cook for about 5 minutes. Stir in the tomatoes and broth and cook for 5 minutes, or until sauce is thickened. Stir in the milk and cook for 1 minute more. Season with salt and pepper. When the pasta is done, drain it, put it back in the pasta pot, add the sauce and stir the sauce and pasta together. Put into serving bowls and top with Parmesan cheese.

A Christmas Cooking Miracle

2010-12-27T12:33:00.001-06:00

I don't make New Year's Resolutions, but I do make goals for myself quite often.

Currently my goal is to learn how to cook.

To do this I will force myself to try at least one new recipe a month.

And I'm not talking cook-the-chicken-breast-heat-up-the-pasta kind of cooking.

I mean recipes that require dedication, intense reading and ingredients that I've never heard of.

But, like everything in life, I'm taking baby steps.

This weekend I made Parmesan Potato Pancakes.

Sort of like Jew meets Italian and they have a really delicious baby made out of potatoes, Parmesan cheese and onion.

I got the recipe from my favorite big breasted Food Network chef, Giada, and attempted what I like to call, "A Christmas Cooking Miracle".

First I chopped up my onion and minced my garlic. Then I smothered my onion and garlic in olive oil, salt and pepper while I prepared the potatoes.

I ~~almost chopped off five fingers~~ peeled my four Yukon Gold Potatoes and then, for the first time ever, put my food processor to good use.

From there, I added a cup of grated Parmesan (said in a Italian accent a la Giada), a half cup of chopped basil and salt and pepper. Finally, I dumped the onions and garlic on top and mixed up my special concoction.

My next step was to add more olive oil and dump everything back into the pan. I cooked each side for about 15 minutes until my hot cake was a nice golden brown.

Unfortunately, I'm a total fat ass, and didn't take a picture of the final product because I was too busy stuffing my face.

Instead I bring to you half of the destruction that was done to my kitchen.

So although the recipe wasn't too complicated, I still have a tendency to not follow directions very well or forget to include certain ingredients ~~always~~ every once and awhile. However, this time I did everything according to plan and I must say, those potatoes were delicious.

For the whole recipe click here.

And I promise next time I will put my fork down long enough to take pictures of the final product.

Diet Starts After Christmas

2010-12-23T08:30:00.003-06:00

Every now and then I become obsessed with different foods. I tend to eat them daily until I eventually burn myself out. And since we all know diet starts after Christmas, here are a few foods that are not only delish, but will help kick start some healthier eating into the New Year!

Kind Bars these delicious little nuggets are packed full of real food unlike most protein bars. What I love about these bars is that not only can I pronounce all the ingredients, but there aren't hundreds of different ingredients to pronounce. In each bar you can actually see what you are getting. Whole almonds, apricot chunks, cranberries, etc. I eat one every day. My favorite is the peanut butter dark chocolate with protein.

Spinach Potato Pancakes can you see me drooling? My favorite doctor - Dr. Praegar - did it again when he whipped up these hot cakes. With only 80 calories, this is a great appetizer, mid-day snack, or side dish with some protein. And they're Kosher. Everyone wins.

Asian Chicken Noodle Soup I happen to be obsessed with soups, especially those that come from Japanese or Thai restaurants. These Asian chicken noodle soups are a twist on a classic dish. My absolute favorite soup is from Penny's Noodles, but you can get this soup at almost any restaurant. I'm working on whipping up a recipe of my own because in the meantime I'm about to go broke between buying soup every day for lunch and Christmas shopping.

Pomegranates Tis' the season for Pomegranates and Whole Foods has been selling Pom's the size of my head. I happen to love food that involves work (i.e., Pomegranates, Pistachios, etc.) I love to peel, pick and then indulge. Although sometimes I go through a few shirts when peeling my Pomegranate, the mess is worth it. Pomegranates are packed full of antioxidants, and I happen to find them extremely good looking.

You Can Take the Girl Away From the Boy...

2010-12-21T11:04:00.000-06:00

...But you can't take the boy away from the girl.

As displayed below.

Although my favorite person ever couldn't make the trip to Virgin Gorda with me and the fam, his face was able to make the journey.

The only positive out of flying solo on this vacay was that my thighs weren't subjected to hot dogs and pizza. (what can I say, my man loves his carbs).

Carb Thighs

2010-12-15T06:50:00.001-06:00

Per usual, the food in the Caribbean is outstanding.

I'm stuffing my face at an alarming rate and I think that the "Carb Face" has now spread to my thighs, a la, Carb Thighs.

Which is just fine because once I'm back in Chicago it's all sweat pants all the time.

One of my favorite meals so far has been Sweet Potato Crusted Red Snapper.

Sound good to you, too?

Well I say we all try making this dish at home.

Sweet Potato Crusted Red Snapper Recipe

6 (6-ounce) red snapper fillets
5 sweet potatoes, peeled and grated
1/2 cup melted butter
1 tablespoon salt
3/4 tablespoon freshly ground black pepper
1 cup grated asiago
1 tablespoon finely minced lemon zest

Preheat oven to 425 degrees F.

Boil a large pot of lightly salted water.

Add grated potatoes, boil for 30 seconds, and then drain.

Plunge into an ice bath and drain immediately.

Spread the potatoes on a plate or baking sheet to dry. Toss with the melted butter, salt, pepper, cheese and zest.

Coat each filet with potato.

Place fish on lightly oiled baking sheet and cook for 15 to 20 minutes in the oven until lightly browned and cooked through.

In Case You Thought I Wasn't Eating...

2010-12-13T22:24:00.002-06:00

Don't worry, I am.

One of the best things about being on vacation is, obviously, the food.

And no, it is not the only thing I love about traveling, but it is right up there with laying out by a pool and/or beach all day, and having no regard for what time of day you do anything. For example, on vacation you can wake up at 6 am or 11 am, and really what's the difference? Because that night you can go to bed at 9 pm or 2 am. You can truly do whatever the F you want.

On vacation, the "rules" that we live our life by go out the window. You can drink too much, exercise too little, ignore what's on the news, talk with strangers you would normally never give a second glance to, and just be 100% true to yourself. Vacation provides the rare opportunity to not take yourself too seriously.

So in case you thought I wasn't eating and enjoying myself while traveling, then you are very, very wrong.

Because, as my very wise father once told me, there are more things in life that you will regret not doing, than things you wished you hadn't done.

And so I leave you all with a picture of me stuffing my face full of desserts.

Because I promise you, that is something I most certainly will not regret.

Good Enough To Eat

2010-12-11T10:32:00.000-06:00

"Being a compulsive overeater is no different from being an alcoholic or drug addict. The only difference is that you can avoid drugs and alcohol completely and you have to have a relationship with food every day for the rest of your life. It's actually the hardest addiction to live with. If you were an alcoholic and someone said to you that you were required to have a single drink three to five times a day, but were not supposed to ever drink to excess, or a drug addict who was required to take just one pill severeal times a day every day, but you're not supposed to ever take more than that...no one would ever make it through rehab."

— Stacey Ballis (Good Enough to Eat)

A Trip Down Memory Lane...

2010-12-09T21:32:00.001-06:00

If you've been reading DST for the past year you would know that right before I take any trips I tend to obsessively write about where I'm going, what I'm doing and what I'll be eating.

In the past year, I've been fortunate enough to do a lot of traveling.

And since 2010 is coming to a close, I got to thinking about all the great places and people I got to share this past year with.

I know you will ~~enjoy this~~ probably think it's boring, but hey, everyone loves pictures.

December 2009 - St. Martin

This picture is of the villa I stayed in last year. Not too shabby.

New Years Eve 2010 - Florida

Dominating the Irish Pub. And vandalizing it.

June 2010 - Israel

Oh you know, just baking some pita and ridin' some camels.

August 2010 - California

Laguna Beach - one of my top 10 favorite places ever.

October 2010 - New York

The view of Ground Zero from our hotel room.

Here's to all the places I hope to go in 2011....

(insert picture of me holding a glass of vodka and saying "cheers")

Vacation Me Crazy

2010-12-08T11:04:00.001-06:00

In just two short days I will be subjecting myself to TSA pat downs, one of the worst airports ever and unless I work on my persuasive skills, a seat in coach.

On the upside I will be leaving 10 degree weather for a week of sun bathing, swimming, drinking, eating and all other things awesome in the British Virgin Islands.

For those of you wondering, when it comes to vacations and diets, well, they just don't mix.

When I go on vacation so does my desire to stick to a healthy diet and exercise five times a week.

However, like I always say, everything in moderation.

Sometimes, I go running. Not because I'm terrified of how I look in a bathing suit, but because it's so wonderful to run outdoors in a tropical climate.

Sometimes I don't move my fat ass from the lounge chair.

Key word here: sometimes.

For me, a typical vacation involves lots of drinking. And a lot of eating. Which will always result in a lot of Carb Face.

As fun as it would be to beat myself up over the vacation weight gain, really, what's the point?

How often do we treat ourselves to one week of pure nothingness?

No work, no school, no exercise, no watching what you eat, etc. and just do whatever you want with out imposing any guilt on yourself?

Now, I'm not saying go out to dinner every night and order the most deep fried item on the menu, but have your dessert without feeling guilty.

Because the only thing worse than self-inflicted guilt, is Jewish-mother guilt.

And remember, even if you do put on the vacation 15*, if you're like me and your home base is a cold, snowy climate, just be grateful that you can wear multiple layers to hide all the weight you've put on while you were away.

*Vacation 15 is similar to the Freshman 15 except that this is weight you gain over the course of one week vs. a year at college. May I recommend you only gain the Vacation 5?

Warning: Douche Alert

2010-12-07T13:41:00.002-06:00

I started going to the gym around the age of 16.

So, as one would suspect, I've been subjected to a plethora of douche bag gym rats over the years.

If you're looking to pick up a dude who masks his insecurities through bicep curls and tanning beds, honey, this is your mother ship.

Lucky for me, I quit my gym months ago and haven't been around such douche bags in quite some time.

That was until a few days ago.

I happened to be at the gym at 6:30 p.m. on a Friday night which is basically feeding time for the gym d-bag.

The guy that is working out at 6:30 p.m. on a Friday night is the same guy hitting on you at the club (you know, the unce, unce kind of club) at 1 a.m. There is also a 50% chance that this guy has a barb-wire tattoo which is another dead giveaway of a mayjah D.

But back to me and my encounter.

As I was enjoying my sprints, (at 9.6 mph thank you very much, please click here for more workouts), Douche #1 was running next to me in a cut-off t-shirt, sporting a fresh spray tan, jogging at 8.8 mph. (suck on that D #1, a girl can run faster than you.)

Did I mention he was also wearing a bandanna? I know, swoon.

Any who, Douche #2 came strolling in wearing the same ensemble, carrying his wallet, car key and iPhone.

Let me address the fact that this is a private gym inside our apartment building which means going from your apartment to the gym does not require a wallet, a car or your phone. So why would one bring all of these unnecessary items to the gym? Maybe to show off the fact that you have hundred dollar bills in your wallet? Or maybe to show off your BMW? Or to make phone calls to your "girlfriends" in between bicep curls? All things only a total douche would do.

So of course as thing 1 and thing 2 started talking, I paused my iPod to do some good old fashioned eavesdropping.

Conversation goes as follows: (And NO, I'm not making this stuff up)

D#1: "what up bro, you're looking huge."
D#2: "Ya I've doing the tri's and shoulders. You're looking pretty big too man."
D#1: "Yea bro, just working the abs and biceps you know, kinda getting skinny, but whatever."
D#2: "What happened to you the other night dude?"
D#1: "Dude, I got punched right in the nose by this 6'6 guy." (please keep in mind D#1 is about 5'3 and the guy that hit him was most likely around 5'9)
D#2: "No way bro, why?"
D#1: "I was talking to his girl, and he heard me call her giraffe. But that's what I call her. She's like 6 feet tall. She thinks it's a cute nickname."

Wait. wait. wait.

Excuse me Mister Douche, but I can assure you that if me or any of my female friends were ever called giraffes the last thing I would think is that you were being cute.

These two idiots continued their conversation talking about girls, booze, girls, and how jacked and tan they are.

I so wish that this was a made up story. And that us girls didn't have to subject ourselves to being around this type of guy.

But it's important for me share these types of stories to my female readers so that all of you know to avoid the gym on Friday nights. And all dudes with spray tans.

And don't say I didn't warn you.

Let's Cyber

2010-11-29T10:04:00.006-06:00

In honor of "Cyber Monday" (which is by far the stupidest name I've ever heard of), today is a list of some of my favorite items for this holiday season.

Unfortunately or fortunately for some of you, today's post is not about food or exercise. It is about my other favorite thing, shopping.

So for all of you cybering your day away, enjoy.

Ray-Ban sunglasses. I lurve the mixed colors. Purple and pink, orange and leopard, what will they think of next?

I don't wear belts, but if I ever did it would be this one by Hermes. Thanks to one of my favorites, www.brookeglazer.com (shameless plug), this is one of my favorite things that I've seen lately. Who needs a Birkin bag when you've got this around your waist?(Well, I still need a Birkin, but I can hold off for awhile).

Rose gold watches. Not only does this color look great with my skin, but anything with a little bling on it rules.

4-carat Tiffany engagement ring.

Whoa - how did that get on this list?

That's SO ~~my favorite thing on this list~~ weird. Definitely wouldn't want that for Christmas.....

Happy Cybering To All!

'Tis The Season... To Be A Fat Ass

2010-11-24T12:21:00.003-06:00

Well it's that time of the year again.

The time when every where you look a big piece of pie is staring back at you.

Or a big, juicy turkey.

Or a big loaf of bread.

And for some reason there isn't a gym in sight or an ounce of motivation left in you.

Isn't it strange how that happens?

The big question is, how do you avoid being a complete fat ass over the holidays without feeling like you're depriving yourself of all the fun and food?

Here's your solution!

Eat it all. Eat everything you want.

Put every side dish and every dessert on your plate.

The key here is portion control. Just be sure that you are only taking small amounts of everything. How do you know what's a "small amount?" Grab a small spoon and use that as your own personal serving spoon.

By taking a small amount of everything you won't feel like you're depriving yourself of all the great food.

Now this technique may not work for everyone, but for those of you who don't want to spend all of January burning off holiday weight and don't want to feel that they've missed out on any of the holiday cuisine, this is your best bet.

Remember, Diet Starts After Thanksgiving.

Homeland Security Threat: Level Dumbass

2010-11-22T08:35:00.004-06:00

This past weekend I visited one of my favorite cities, Charleston, South Carolina.

Not only is the weather almost perfect year-round, but the food is always delicious.

This particular trip was extremely short and sweet. I flew in on Friday and went back home on Sunday. Not a big deal at all, except for the fact that I had to subject myself to a lot of airport and airplane time.

I'll be honest, I like to complain. Sometimes it's just a form of entertainment for me.

Airports are just one of the many things in life that I love to bitch, bitch, bitch about.

Exhibit A - the airplanes are only getting dirtier. I would like to think that the airplane bathrooms are getting cleaned often, but I am no moron, and I do not go near that toilet seat without at least 20 sheets of toilet paper covering the area. However, the seat that I'm in, is most likely 100 times dirtier than the bathroom. I shudder at the thought of all the asses that have touched the seat before mine, and the second I get home from the airport I immediately throw all of the clothes that I was wearing into the washing machine on high heat.

Exhibit B - the food is only getting worse. Each time I visit the airport food court, I can't help but wonder what kind of rodent is scurrying around in the food storage area. There are only two things that are safe to eat in an airport - the packaged carbs and candy that they sell in the book store.

Exhibit C - I don't love people. I don't get all warm and fuzzy when some stranger sits down next to me and strikes up a conversation that lasts the duration of our flight. I don't necessarily hate people, but when I'm crammed in a seat that has never been cleaned, and the person next to me smells like a Chili's Too or McDonald's, I'd rather they close their eyes, shut their mouth and pretend as if I'm not even there.

Last but not least, I'd like to share my thoughts on airport security. I successfully avoided a pat-down and body scanner on this last trip. However, when going through security I got "caught" with a yogurt in my purse which I was asked to either go back outside the security line to eat or it would have to be thrown away. I know my Jewish white girl look can be quite threatening, and usually organic Greek yogurts are a threat to national security, so maybe I shouldn't be so surprised. However, knowing that my mom had the exact same yogurt in her purse which went through the scanners right before mine did, and TSA didn't even notice, only reassures me that all security at the airport is complete BS.

I was carrying tweezers, lotions, soaps, and high heels in my bag. Trust me, if I was going to do some damage, I would go for the heels or the tweezers long before I would choose the yogurt.

Moral of this story, you fly at your own risk. Threat level orange my ass.

The Biggest Loser, Loser

2010-11-17T11:02:00.000-06:00

Last night while watching the show The Biggest Loser over a plate full of nachos, I got to thinking about how much I felt like a loser.

Not because I was eating nachos, I love me some nachos, but because I'm not actively pursuing my passions in life.

Those passions include nutrition, exercise and teaching.

And so today I am changing all that.

If you check out my new and improved About Diet Starts Tomorrow page, you will see that I am now promoting myself.

I am still in the process of getting client testimonials (yes they do exist), but in the meantime please use your imagination and trust me when I tell you that I am awesome.

And I will make you look and feel better about yourself.

And yes it is possible to eat nachos and lose weight.

Let me show you how!

If We Couldn't Laugh We'd All Go Insane...

2010-11-15T12:18:00.000-06:00

Today I'd like to talk about feelings.

I've recently received messages from a not so happy individual who believes that I am sending negative messages towards women.

I thought best to ignore these messages because I feel anyone that has read more than just one post of mine would know that I don't feel this way. I also wanted to ignore these messages because I thought it was kind of cool that I had a "hater". It truly made me feel special that someone was so upset by what I had to said (because really, who am I?).

Then I watched a very special Oprah and it got me thinking, I do have to make it clear that my position on food and exercise is not that every woman needs to weight 100 lbs or hit the gym seven days a week.

I don't write about food and exercise because I feel bad about myself for not wearing a size 00, I write about food because I love to eat. But I also love to wear tight clothing and not worry that I have a muffin top. As I think most people do.

So when I write about calories, exercise routines, etc. it's not to make anyone feel badly about themselves, it's to help motivate the unmotivated. And it's also to say, look we're all a little crazy when it comes to food.

I've spent years studying nutrition, exercise, eating disorders, etc. No, I'm not a dietitian nor have I ever claimed to be. My feeling is that in order to live a healthy lifestyle, which by my definition means to look and feel your very best, you need to adapt eating and exercise habits that are realistic.

Now while I try to do my very best, I know it's not easy, which is why I like to make jokes about having a fat ass or thunder thighs. Because it makes me laugh. It brings me back down to Earth. And allows myself (and others) to remember it's all about confidence.

There is a reason why industries specializing in diet foods, diet pills, diet books, etc. are making boat loads of money each year - because EVERYONE wants to look like they belong on the cover of a magazine, and they want to do it without trying.

Who wants to spend their life eating vegetables and doing 2 hours of cardio each day? NO ONE.

Who wants to look like a super model without an ounce of cellulite on their entire body? EVERY ONE.

And you know what? It's funny.

It's funny to me that we are so focused on something so stupid.

And that is why diet starts tomorrow.

Because diets are unrealistic and they only make the crazy, crazier.

Which is why I like to throw around words like carb face. Because it's funny. If you are going to obsess about calories, going to the gym and other related items, why not at least see the humor in it all?

And, if you don't think I'm funny, you can kiss my fat ass.

Hey Everybody, Come See How Good I Look

2010-11-12T09:40:00.000-06:00

Or how good my blog looks.

We desperately needed a makeover.

I'm still learning how to add pictures and be more fancy with this whole thing, but in the meantime this is the best I can do.

I also just realized that in four weeks I will be on a Caribbean island. (aka I will be living in a bathing suit for a week straight.) Yikes.

I think I may have to start doing cardio again.

And in honor of me starting to do cardio again, I would like to share with you a kick-ass workout that will take you under 30 minutes and PROMISES to make you break a sweat!

Jumping jacks for 60 seconds
Straight arm plank hold for 30 seconds
15 push-ups
Burpees, up-downs, whatever you want to call 'em - jump up towards the ceiling, bend your knees and squat down, jump out into a straight arm plank, jump back into your bent knee squat and jump back up towards the sky. Repeat 5 times.
Straight arm plank for 20 seconds
15 push-ups
Side plank on the right arm (30 seconds)
Side plank on the left arm (30 seconds)
Straight arm plank for 10 seconds
15 push-ups
Roll onto your back for 30 bicycle crunches
Stand back up and repeat the entire routine 4 times starting with the 60 seconds of jumping jacks!

Enjoy!

My Big Fat Indian Wedding

2010-11-10T10:54:00.000-06:00

Well, not my wedding, but my friend's wedding.

This past weekend one of the nearest and dearest to my heart got hitched.

The ceremony was broken into two parts - part one, traditional:

(Check me out, third bridesmaid from the bride, woo hoo.)

And part two, Hindu:

As you can see this bride not only had a costume change, but so did some of her wedding party.

If there's any bride in the world that would be cool with changing outfits in the middle of her ceremony, this would be the bride.

This would also be the only bride in the world that wouldn't go on a wedding diet.

Or wouldn't pick up a new exercise routine.

She is and should be, every bride's role model.

Although she may be a role model for how I hope to behave on my wedding day, I know that I most certainly, will be the exact opposite.

I have no plans to go all "bridezilla" on everyone, however, there are two things that are certain:

1. The food at my wedding will be delicious
2. I will reach my "wedding weight"

What is wedding weight?

The most ideal weight/shape/etc. that you will ever be in.

Now I'm not saying this is the first and last time my body will be in tip-top shape, but I will be taking pictures that last a lifetime and do not want to look back at my wedding pictures and think, "if I'd only skipped the chocolate cake I wonder what my arms would've looked like?"

But to all of you brides out there who didn't worry, didn't panic, didn't exercise and just enjoyed themselves on their wedding day, I raise my protein shake to you!

Fat Foodies

2010-11-05T10:45:00.002-05:00

I'm often asked, "I work out, I eat healthy, and I'm still not losing any weight, why is it so hard?"

And I usually respond the same way.

First I ask, what's your workout? If you've been doing the same workout for the past year then don't be surprised if you're weight isn't changing. You've got to keep your body guessing. Always try a new class at the gym, a new speed on the treadmill, or go workout ten minutes longer than usual.

Then I ask, are you really eating healthy? Most of the time, the answer is no. Whether you realize it or not.

The basic rule is: you need to burn more calories than you eat.

The problem is: most people don't actually know how many calories are in the foods they're eating.

Here are a few things that people often assume are "healthy, low calorie foods" when in fact they are the exact opposite.

Breakfast cereals. Most cereal nutrition labels list their serving size as 1/2 cup or 3/4 cup. Which means if 1/2 cup of your favorite cereal is 120 calories, and you're pouring (at least I know I'm pouring) about 2 cups of cereal into the bowl, you're actually consuming WAY more calories than you think. Top on the calories from your milk and you've got yourself a 500+ calorie breakfast. Swap that cereal with oatmeal and you'll be doing you, and your ass, a HUGE favor.

Fruit Juice. This is essentially a sugar injection into your body which results in a gut hanging over your jeans. Now and then it's hard to resist a glass of fresh squeezed orange juice, but if your goal is weight loss than put the drink down! Switch to water, and if you need that juice fix, eat an orange.

Chipotle Chicken Burrito. This is basically three meals wrapped into one in terms of calorie count. With cheese, rice, chicken, tortilla, sour cream, guac and more, it seems the burrito's main ingredient is cellulite and thunder thighs. There are around 19 grams of fat and around 1200 calories. What to do? Skip the burrito for a "burrito bowl" with NO rice, NO sour cream, LIGHT or NO guac. Sounds boring? Then don't eat at Chipotle.

Not sure if what you are eating is giving you a fat ass? Concerned that your workout is making you "bulkier" not slimmer? Send all questions here!

Diet starts tomorrow, but skinny legs can start today.

Snookin' For Love

2010-11-02T09:34:00.000-05:00

Since Halloween was only two days ago, it seems appropriate that I should have a post dedicated to the holiday.

This Halloween, I went as the one and only, Snooki.

I know it's totally unoriginal, but I just had to.

The only thing missing from my costume was the extra 20 lbs, some shorter legs, and the ability to do cartwheels in the middle of the bar.

I still rocked out with my poof out.

There are two things about this costume that make it great:

1. The slippers. Nothing is better than having an excuse to NOT wear heels out.

2. Screaming in everyone's face, "I'm On The JERSEY SHORE BITCH"

I snooked the night away.

The other great thing about this Halloween was that I got to spend time with old college friends. And I learned a really important lesson: you can take the girl out of the sorority, but you can't take the sorority out of the girl.

Although I spent years denying that I was anything like your "typical sorority girl", I have finally come to accept the fact that I like being loud and obnoxious in public places, wearing matching shirts, singing songs, and I actually, sometimes, enjoy being a typical sorority girl.

And for all you Kappa Alpha Theta's out there, this Kite's for you.

Carb Age

2010-11-01T08:28:00.000-05:00

Just when I thought Carbs were only giving me a fat ass I learned this - Carbs are making me age.

Fine, I'm 24, I know I'm not old, but I also know that as I get older there are two things I fear most: a FUPA and wrinkles.

Now, I've got one more thing to fear, the dreaded Carb Age.

Carb Age is different from Carb Face in that it is permanent.

Carb Face may last a few hours, or days, depending on your carb consumption, but Carb Age will last you a lifetime.

You must read THIS and remember - SAY NO TO CARB FACE!

Happy N' Healthy

2010-10-25T09:35:00.002-05:00

Being around people who are, for lack of a better word, whack jobs, on a daily basis, has allowed me to appreciate my own sanity.

In doing so, I think it's important to consistently remind myself of all the good in my life.

When it comes to being healthy, there is much more to it than just eating right and exercising. The first step towards a healthy, happy lifestyle is to have a healthy and happy mental state.

Since it's Monday, and EVERYTHING sucks more on a Monday, I thought this would be the perfect opportunity to be optimistic and focus on the positive, rather than the negative.

I have a best friend who will be married in two weeks. Below is a pic of her and I at her bachelorette party. (please note the penis crown).

I also have an adorable little puppy who will love me no matter how annoying I am, or how many times a day I talk to her in a baby voice and squeeze her puppy cheeks. Same goes with my boyfriend.

It's so easy to focus on the negative things in life, especially when you're under caffeinated, lacking sleep and suffering from a case of the Monday's. That's why each and every day you should focus on at least one thing that makes you unconditionally happy.

And if that picture of my dog doesn't make you feel all warm and fuzzy inside, then you are most definitely in need of some happy pills.

It's Just Lunch, Fat Ass

2010-10-20T08:47:00.003-05:00

Not too long ago, I learned of a dating service called, "It's Just Lunch".

(And no, I'm not looking to use a dating service.)

The concept of this service is just as simple as the name, "it's just lunch". In other words, if this happens to be the worst date of your life, at least you know it won't last longer than 60 minutes.

Now, the same concept can be applied to your eating habits.

Why? Because we are all in relationships with food. Some are positive and some are negative.

Eating is like dating - there are good days and there are bad days (or dates).

The most important thing to remember is that whether you ruined your healthy eating at breakfast when you inhaled three doughnuts or you just shared a meal with someone that resembles a swamp creature, you can always start fresh the next day.

People are constantly struggling with self-control when it comes to eating. It's so easy to forget that it's just one meal, just one lunch, and that not to worry fatty, no need to lick your plate clean because if you're still hungry after lunch, there's always dinner.

We've all heard of everything in moderation. There's a huge difference between having a few bites of a Chocolate Peanut Butter Cheesecake and devouring the 5 lb cake in under 5 minutes.

I've found that if you apply the "it's just..." rule to whatever food you're eating, suddenly it's no longer hard to practice some self-control.

So, try it with me. It's just cheesecake. It's just pizza. It's just pasta.

These foods will always be available to you. Nothing is forbidden just as nothing is so amazing that you can't live without it.

Trust me, it's just lunch.

Food For Thought

2010-10-13T12:11:00.000-05:00

“I’ve been on a diet for two weeks and all I lost is two weeks.”

― Totie Fields

Bee Fit!

2010-10-12T12:39:00.000-05:00

Ch ch ch ch check it out.

I do more than just write about food all day long, I exercise too!

Not only do I exercise, but I teach classes. Cycling, Pilates and most recently - barre.

For those of you who live in the Chicagoland area and are looking for a new exercise routine and would love to workout with yours truly, I've got just the answer you've been looking for - Barre Bee Fit.

And since you're probably already paying for an over priced gym membership here's the best way to try this new work out without having credit card debt - buy a 12 pack discount!

You're welcome.

Lindsay Takes NYC Part II: The Aftermath

2010-10-11T09:08:00.000-05:00

Arriving in New York, I knew two things were certain:

One, I was starving.

And two, LGA is the biggest dump of an airport that I have ever seen.

The next observation I made was in my cab ride to my hotel where upon my request to, "avoid any tunnels at all cost" he made sure to take the tunnel. There's nothing I hate more than being underground where you can't see where you entered and you can't find an exit. Call me OCD and crazy, I am well aware that I have issues, but hey, I'm an anti-tunnel, shuttle, subway, submarine, middle seat on the airplane, back of the bus, away from all exits kind of gal.

I survived the tunnel (they should sell t-shirts with that saying) and made it to my hotel, just barely (thanks to Mister Cabby who considers swerving in between cars at 60 mph safe and normal).

Next stop was dinner where I successful stuffed my face with some of the best Vietnamese food I have ever eaten.

The next day was spent doing all the things that a good tourist should do. Breakfast (which included a vanilla creme brulee french toast), very successful shopping in SoHo, a claustrophobic walk through Times Square, a big pie-shaped thin crust slice of cheese pizza, a visit to Central Park, The Plaza, 5th Avenue, and a lot more walking.

For dinner I mistakenly ordered the spiciest tacos on the planet, but washed it down with an ice cold vodka soda which always makes everything better.

I'm clearly not cut out for the New York party scene since at 3 am when I was falling asleep standing up I was getting yelled at by my friends to stay out because the bars don't close until 5 am. I blame the ten miles of walking that had been done earlier that day.

The next morning I got my New York bagel fix and I must say - that was the best bagel I've ever eaten in my entire life. If I lived in New York, there is not enough money you could pay me to go on a carb-free diet.

Great food, great shopping, great trip.

My biggest question for the women of the New York would be, how the hell do you walk around in five inch heels and how do you resist the sweet temptation of all those delicious bagels?

Lindsay Takes New York

2010-10-04T21:27:00.025-05:00

Thanks to Jay-Z, there is one song and one song only that has been running through my brain on repeat for the past few days - "Empire State of Mind".

Optimistic that "the streets will inspire" me too, I am entering the great state of NY with excitement, anticipation, a craving for those big, thin crust slices of cheese pizza, and an itch to rack up some high credit card bills.

On Sunday night, David and I decided it would be a great idea to spend the following weekend in New York. Maybe it was because I didn't leave my couch on Saturday that we both felt the need to get out and live a little.

Every once in awhile something happens to me where I feel this strong impulse to hop on a plane and go somewhere. This is not the first time I've booked a flight on impulse with less than a week's notice. In fact, I think it may be the sixth.

Let's take a trip down impulse memory lane. I've flown from California to Miami, Vegas to Chicago, Chicago to San Francisco, California to Chicago and so on all on short notice.

For some one who needs Valium on long flights it seems odd that I travel as much as I do.

So second to planning my outfits for the weekend I must begin planning my meals. So little time, so much to eat. What's a girl to do?

What are the must eat's in NYC?

Besides bagels, black and white cookies and the extra large thin crust pie shaped cheese pizzas (drooling).

Opinions people?

Boys Will Be Girls

2010-09-28T18:23:00.002-05:00

Hey! These girly boys stole my line!

Make sure you watch between minute 1-2!

I'm not sure what I like more, "The Jamie Lee Curtis Yogurt" or the "digesting a huge gust of wind" for breakfast.

Either way, Diet Starts Tomorrow.

Click here for more DST!

Desperate Housewife

2010-09-24T08:38:00.000-05:00

Yesterday my office was closed, which was fabulous for many reasons.

One, I got to sleep in.

Two, it was 90 degrees in Chicago in the middle of September.

And three, I got to live out my housewife fantasy. And by this I mean, waking up whenever, going on a stroll to Starbucks, going to the gym and most importantly, watching Oprah - trust me, it doesn't get better than this.

So, since I am currently recovering from an "Oprah binge", I think it's very important that I share with you some of my favorite things.

Northern Light Caramel Cooler - coffee and sugar, but without a boat load of calories. Delish!
The new Blackberry Tablet... so we can all tell Apple to suck it.
Barre Classes - I've been teaching barre classes since June and love it. The workouts combined core strengthening exercises with bursts of cardio and sprinkles of strength training. If you live in Chicago and want to check it out email me Lindsay@dietstarts2mrw.com. Did I mention I'm an amazing teacher? I can make you lose like ten pounds in one class. Or something like that.

What are my least favorite things?

Diets, low-calorie cheese pizza, close-talkers, people that bring their dogs to the dog park, but don't want their dogs to play, and much, much more. But that's for another post.

Problem Child

2010-09-21T11:15:00.000-05:00

Everybody's got problems.

More specifically, I mean those problem areas on your body that you just can't get rid of.

Or in some cases, you may be one big, problem area, with a patch of "good spots".

At any given time I can find a problem that needs fixin'. Today could be my arms, tomorrow my thighs and next week my ass.

There are days when you want to walk around in sweatpants with chocolate stains on them and scream at the strangers that give you dirty looks because you don't care if you smell like a cup cake and are avoiding mirrors.

But then there are those glorious days, when you put on your 5 inch heels and your tightest skinny jeans - and just work it.

Why some days I feel like a cow and other days like a supermodel will always be a mystery to me.

But if today's the day you want to resolve yourself to feeling good, always, then I have just the plan for you.

This core strengthening exercise works your entire body, so that each and everyone of us, can do something for our problems.

Body problems that is - your mental problems will have to wait. (It's OK to be a whack job if you've got a hot bod, right?)

What you need: A positive attitude, some motivation and possibly, an exercise mat.

Here it goes:

Start in a straight arm plank (hands directly beneath your shoulders, hips are squared off facing the ground, feet are hips distance apart). Your body should be in a straight line. Keep your ass out of the air, cheater. Hold for 30 seconds.
Open up to the left side. Left arm reaches up, left leg lifts 3 inches up, toes pointed. Hold for 15 seconds.
Open up to the right side. Right arm reaches up, right leg lifts 3 inches up, toes pointed. Hold for 15 seconds.
Back to your straight arm plank, lift the left leg a few inches off the ground, keep the hips squared to the floor, hold for 5 seconds. Switch and do the same on the right, hold for 5 seconds. Repeat this three more times.
Holding in your straight arm plank, move the hands slightly wider than the shoulders, from here do 10 push-ups. Then, walk the hands in so they are inside the shoulders for tricep push-ups, do 10.
Come down to your forearms for a forearm plank. Hold the plank for 30 seconds.
Repeat the entire program 5 times.

Now as you become more advanced or if this isn't challenging for you, hold your planks for a full minute. Do 20 push-ups, 10 leg lifts, hold your side-planks for a minute, etc.

You can thank me later.

I'm On A (Pasta) Boat Mother F'ers

2010-09-14T09:00:00.003-05:00

I always used to wonder, "who buys those stupid products off of the infomercials on TV?"

I've finally got my answer.

My boyfriend, that's who.

Recently "we" made two very exciting "as seen on TV" purchases that have no doubt enhanced our lives for a good twenty minutes, and will most likely never see the outside of a cabinet for another 12 months.

The first purchase was the EZ Egg Cracker. See below.

I still haven't figured out why one would choose to bang an egg on the counter top, 10 inches away from the bowl, but I guess that's why there is such a need in this world for an EZ-er way to crack 'em eggs.

The egg cracker also came with a vegetable chopper which may or may not have been thrown immediately in the trash.

In addition, we are also the proud new owners of a boat.

A Pasta Boat.

Once again, see below.

Does that lady know it only requires one large bowl to boil water? Why does she insist on carrying all those pots and pans at one time?

I will admit, the boat does work, but so does a good old fashioned pot on the stove with some boiling water.

And would you like to know the best thing about buying the pasta boat straight from the TV infomercial?

We got two for the price of one!!

I'm not sure why anyone would need two pasta boats unless you were purposely trying to give yourself some major carb face.

And to quote my favorite commenter on the Pasta Boat video, Holly, "What the f*ck is with all the pasta cooking products? An idiot with no arms could make pasta."

Touche.

Shower Me Stupid

2010-09-09T11:47:00.000-05:00

There are two things I'm great at when it comes to food:

Talking about it
Eating it

There are also two things that I'm not so good at when it comes to food:

Cooking it
Hosting a party at my apartment that involves feeding 20 people

With t-minus 48 hours until my humble abode will be bustling with women all ready to eat and drink, I can't help but think, what the F are these people going to eat?

Of course, I've already bought the obvious party necessities: vodka, patron and cupcakes.

If those three ingredients aren't the key to any party, then I don't know what is.

So while I sit here, procrastinating, I encourage all of my fellow readers to make suggestions as to how I can become a quality hostess over night.

Otherwise this bridal shower may turn into more of a drunken cupcake eating contest.

Which may not be that bad.

The "Don't Be A Fat Ass" Diet

2010-08-20T09:00:00.001-05:00

Having recently been given the title of "Lowest BMI" in my office, based on the fact that my gut doesn't hang over my pants (not so much based off of actual calculations), I realized a few things:

It's all relative. I just tried on my spandex lululemon capri's, and was pretty sure my ass looked like the size of a small elephant. However, if you ask my co-workers, they would disagree.
You are what you eat - and what you say. If you walk around all day talking about how fat you are than oddly enough, you happen to be fat. If you walk around all day with positive thoughts like, "hey, my legs are kind of thin" or "I look great in these jeans", then guess what happens? You actually portray those qualities to the rest of the world. Like everything in life - confidence is key!
DIETS SUCK. This blog isn't called "Diet Starts Tomorrow" because I'm a procrastinator, it's called that because diet's suck and I will never go on a diet. I am fortunate* enough to know someone who every other week is on a diet. This week it is the South Beach Diet which means that this person believes eating Creamy Bacon Dressing is OK because it has "no-carbs".

Let's get one thing straight, this person is not the brightest bulb in the box, if you know what I mean. That being said, it is very hard for me to understand how someone can think that a food item with the word "creamy" in it would be a good choice when trying to lose weight.

I'd also like to point out that this person ate salads for two days straight and then inhaled McDonalds on day three.

Diets Don't Work.

So how does one receive the title of lowest BMI?

Just a little thing called, DON'T BE A FAT ASS.

How does one not be a fat ass?

Quit the clean plate club. There's no reason to finish everything on your plate.
Drink water, not soda.
Go for walks, jogs, runs, bike rides, etc. You don't need to do 60 minutes of cardio to be in shape. You just need to get off your fat ass.
You don't need Jenny Craig, Weight Watchers, South Beach, Trimspa or any thing else. All you need is some self-control.

A lot of people like to say that dieting is hard, losing weight is hard, exercising is hard, but the truth is, it's not.

It's not hard to eat an apple instead of french fries, it's not hard to drink water instead of soda and it's not hard to go for a walk after dinner instead of watching reality TV while eating a dozen chocolate chip cookies.

All it takes is a little self-control and motivation.

Or you can just be the person ordering the creamy bacon dressing because you want to believe that following some yoo hoo's diet plan will help you drop 30 lbs instantly.

And while you're living in your fantasy diet land, I'll be the person with the low BMI.

*By fortunate I mean it's always great to know someone who is legitimately crazier than you are just to make yourself feel better.

Brinner

2010-08-17T09:41:00.000-05:00

There are few things in this world that make me happier than a really good meal.

For some reason, I've always been one to "live to eat", and have spent more nights than I'd like to admit, sitting at home on my couch watching some stupid movie like "What Happens In Vegas" while devouring an extra-large chocolate-chip, Oreo, Reese's Peanut Butter Cup Blizzard.

What can I say? I'm a sucka for those blended treats.

So yes, I spend most of my days thinking about my dinners, and on days when I'm not working or I'm on vacation, I usually spend the time living life meal-to-meal.

As I write this, currently eating my breakfast, I can't help but wonder, what's for lunch?

I also, like every food connoisseur*, like to reflect on past meals.

Last night David was in charge of dinner which I assumed meant one thing - burrito night.

However, to my pleasant surprise I came home to find that we were having breakfast for dinner, or as we like to call it, Brinner.

Scrambled eggs with cheese, pancakes and well, more pancakes, it was a great Brinner.

Which got me thinking, who decided that eggs were meant to be eaten in the morning? And those pancakes - I had no need for dessert since I satisfied my sweet tooth with Aunt Jemima syrup.

Now this obviously is not what Jenny Craig would recommend you eat for dinner, but I have to say, you could do a lot worse.

So if you're like me and you're spending your work day debating between chicken or fish, let me recommend the Brinner.

*Read: obsessive fat ass

I Just Can't Quit You

2010-08-16T09:49:00.000-05:00

I always knew that one day signing a gym membership would come back and bite me in the ass.

Since moving into a building with a fully-equipped gym, I've decided that it's time I quit the over-priced, snobby, d-bag filled gym that I once thought of as a second home.

Unfortunately, signing a contract with a gym is similar to signing your life away, and unless you are stuck in the hospital and/or moving away to China, it is nearly impossible to break this contract.

Which is only making me want to quit even more.

How can I possibly quit the gym and still stay in shape you ask?

Well recently I discovered this thing called walking. Turns out, walking outdoors is much more beneficial than paying $100+ per month to walk on a treadmill. Go figure.

I've also started climbing the 28 flights of stairs in my apartment building. A StairMaster without the railing and mechanical support. Who knew?

After making these incredible discoveries and realizing that I've literally been giving money to a place for no good reason, I decided enough is enough - time to dump the gym.

So I've started to make some headway on my great escape from what one would think is the impossible break-up.

I've initiated conversations with my "membership contact" on how I am "moving away" and unfortunately, will be moving to a new state which means that with sufficient proof, my contract will no longer be legally binding.

So as long as I can prove that I've moved I may be able to save a few hundred dollars that would have otherwise gone towards supporting a health club that is owned by a man who looks like King Douche-Lord. (Let's just say that he makes the cast of the Jersey Shore look preppy).

I will keep you updated on my progress. I know in relationships, the first break-up never holds, but I think in this circumstance I may be able to succeed.

The Phantom Wedding

2010-08-06T08:49:00.000-05:00

Having just spent an entire week celebrating the wedding of two of my good friends and my birthday, I'm older, I'm wiser, and I can't stop planning my phantom wedding.

I'm not getting hitched any time soon, but being around all those flowers and center pieces, I can't help but think about all the little details that I will one day obsess over when planning a wedding of my own.

And by "one day obsess" I mean obsessing now.

I'm smart enough to know I'm not alone on this one. Every girl dreams about her wedding, has certain details already decided by the age of 15, and can certainly tell you what her wedding dress will look like.

Here's the thing about weddings - this is the one time in my adult, female life, where it becomes completely acceptable to be out of my mind and act like a lunatic and people will just sigh and say, "Oh well, another bridezilla".

Not that I can see myself being a full-on bridezilla.

But I can promise you I will have my moments where I will require a Xanax and cocktail. That's normal, right?

Now I will not reveal any of my "wedding concepts" (for the 12 year old girl inside me doesn't want you to "copy me").

But I will tell you that one of the most important details besides the dress, the venue, (oh yea, the groom) is the food.

The day I get to sit down for my food tasting and select my menu items will be one of the greatest days ever. A full day dedicated to trying appetizers, entrees, and of course, cake. - what could be better?

(Can you see the drool coming down my chin?)

So until the day my PFH* decides he wants to put a ring on it, I will be here with my crazy fantasies drooling over a seven tiered wedding cake.

Yours Truly,

Future Bridezilla

*PFH=Potential Future Husband